The year so far...

This will be the ramblings of a confused and cluttered mind, I will try to make as much sense as possible in this posts. Many things are happening at the same time and I want to make sure I make the best of it.

The first half of the year 2007

Been a roller coaster ride for me, from a very dark, dim, dodgy start to the year. My life seemingly sucked into the 'dark side'. Financially I was driving myself into the red line, physically i was drinking and smoking, everything else was just a blur. If you ask me, do i regret? my answer will be a NO, I do not regret for the sheer reason that it is the past. I move forward and learn and hopefully become a 'better person' (evolution?)

Career wise, it was stagnating. Business wise was also non-existant. Things did not look good, and I was bordering on insanity trying to THINK MYSELF OUT of the rut i was in. Horrible time horrible, the alcohol, smoke, dark times seem to dull the senses enough for me to survive.

Family wise was alright, just because of the sheer fact that i was never home long enough for people to even notice my changes. All my activities are shrouded behind 'Work purposes'. I leave the house early in the morning, go home in the wee hours of the night. Many times not even showering to sleep as i was just too drunk or too tired or both.

Personally I was alone, too alone. Looking back - it was scary but still worth experiencing. I was down. but never have i experienced a double whammy of being down and continually being sucked into the 'dark side'

Second half of the year

I am glad to say things have taken a turn for the better, if i can plot it on a graph, it will look like a 'bull market' immediately after the depression of the century. Things started picking up after (I am not sure of the exact order) but there are a few key highlights of the year which I am thankful and glad that happened.

First things first, I am very much in love now. I think i found the person i want to spend my life with. (I am not saying this just because she co-owns this blog) but i really feel that WE can work something out. I think of her continuously and want the best for her. *muakz* darling lou por zai.

then I got a promotion and a much needed salary hike, putting me into the 6 figure yearly income bracket. This new fact kept me entertained for a good 5 minutes, after that I started to wonder HOW do i make more. hahahahahaah talk about contentment.

From there, the love of my life convinced me to quit my cigar smoking, else she will do something drastic. I also quite because the cigars made it horrendously dry for me. Anyway.. cigars are not off my hobby list.

Recently my 'vested interest' outside just got paid off, hopefully there is $$ behind the cheque i got. Wish me luck. my first 6 figure cheque and I guess I should be quite comfortable for the year. But again, the novelty of having 6 figures lasted about 10 minutes? Now i am wondering how do I make more and how much more is enough? I want my porsche and ferrari's in my LIFETIME.

Overall things are turning out to be good, need to keep the momentum and strive for bigger better things. It is in 'good times' that we should prepare for 'rainy days'. But how and what? I need to crack this nut soonest possible just to be safe.

Wish me luck, so far so good.

Love you darling lou por, please be my guide, support and chronicler of my life. I really need you to help me out in alot of the areas that will pop up.

Loving you lots,
Still a 25 year old boy trying to make the best of his life.

a weekend with boyfriend

Yay!!!

Boyfriend is going back to KL today. Although I won’t be meeting him in KL but at least I’ll be able to call him to listen to his voice on his cell phone. Otherwise when his cell phone is on roaming, it’s very expensive for him to receive or make any calls. Plus, KL is definitely much safer then Jakarta thousand of times and I feel more comfortable with him there.

Last weekend, boyfriend made a stop in Singapore to visit me before going to Jakarta. While he is here, we went for a watch exhibition, ate lots of nice food and had so much lovey dovey fun together. We had so much lovely time together albeit a little bit of hiccups in between but I guess it’s ok. Since he has already promised not to raised his voice or bully me anymore. So I shall use this post as evidence that he will always talk to me nicely and never make me upset anymore.

Miss boyfriend so much; wish I could hug him right away. *grin*

Something to blog about...

•So far away...

I cannot touch your hand,
I cannot feel your breath,
I cannot hold you close.

Yet so close...
I can feel you in my heart,
I can see you in my mind,
I can hear you in my ears.

You can be so far away...

But as long as I have your love...
As long as I have you...
You will always be close.

For,
As sure as the sun rises,
And the tides will change,
I will always love you,
An you will always be close to my heart.




I love you my darling lou por zai.
Lou Gong (in the office getting ready to leave)

My baby is doing me proud...

I love you lou por zai, I am glad that my baby is taking my workload in stride. My darling is being very understanding and very supportive of my current jam packed work load, abit of 'noise' here and there but overall its all good.

From new business pitches, to justification of my existence, to preparing for a Jakarta workshop, to trying to come up with a 'next steps' for my life, working out the budgets for my division, to maintaining a happy relationship is a very tedious job. I need the support and understanding that my darling lou por is giving me now.

She is wonderful!

I just wish that we were in the same city, this way she can sayang me everyday, everynight, all day, all night, all time, everytime... thinking about it brings a smile to my face. I am sooo sooo sooo smitten *muakz* love you darling!.

anyways now i gotta run off and go home, to continue slaving away in front of my laptop.

*muakz*
Lou Gong

Ups and downs...

Love you darling, it is as I expected that we will get into an arguement. The really funny thing about our arguements is that it GOES NO WHERE, we end up talking and talking and bickering until we forget our points - THERE IS NO POINT TO THE ARGUEMENT then it just becomes a tussle of very thick skin and 'hard necks' geez.

We are going to look back and really have a good laugh over this. I guess the best part of having an arguement is that the 'make up' sex is fanfuckingtastic hahahahaah. *wink wink*.

It has been a while since i updated the blog, work has been crazy. Back to back from pitches to budget meetings to trainings in Jakarta to my personal business 'making some head way'. I am really glad and happy that darling has been HIGHLY SUPPORTIVE and is taking this in stride.. GOOD GOOD. Keep it up my darling, this is really what I need from you and our relationship. Support and understanding.

Lately I have been 'stuck', now that I got a pay raise, promotion, business money seems to be flowing in, NOW WHAT? WHAT NEXT? 100 thousand dollars, 300 thousand dollars, how much is it going to stretch? How do i grow it to 3 million? 30 million? 300 million? I need 'something' - what is that 'something'?

It sometimes can get very frustrating just thinking about it. Should i be patient? should i be frustrated? what what? All this for a more comfortable life in the future, luxuries? Giving back to my parents, my family, showering my darling with life's luxuries, doing stuff back to the community.

I always thought that IF in the future I had a choice to do charity work, my focus would be on senior citizens. Everyone seems to be focussing on children children and the future, what about the past? the people that made us what we are today - they are getting short changed. If you have grandparents, I have a tried and tested method of giving them endless smiles and happiness. It is the very simple touch, a touch, a reassuring hold, a grip, a firm 'I am here' hold goes a long way - they do not need your money, they do not need your luxuries, they just need your time and your touch.

I regret not doing enough for my grandmother (Paternal, whose death anniversary is just a few days ago).

Anyways I have diverged from topic, hahahahaha I LOVE MY DARLING LOU POR ZAI so much.

Can't wait to be intertwined with her this weekend.

Lou gong zai.

hearts are joining

Every day is a brand new day to our relationship. We look forward to each day, to the day when we can finally be physically close to each other once again.

Though we’re hundreds of miles apart but our hearts are joining together. I pray to God everyday that he will always think of me and I will always have a special place in his heart.

Love you so much my lou gong zai... *muaks*

bumpy ride

Things are a little bumpy for boyfriend and me, it seems every time we touched on topic about meeting up, we get into some disagreement. Luckily for us, the next day after that we will wake up and forget what happened the night before and become lovey dovey back again. I believe most of our arguments stemmed from us missing each other a lot and wanting to be with each other physically but due to our distance and busy schedule, it is becoming hard to do so. Because of these issues, we normally ended up in arguments, at times half way through our arguments; we tend to also forget why we argued.

So last weekend, we had a similar argument again. As usual, boyfriend refused to give in, even though he promised to do that, and my usual style, I too refuse to give in. We ended up raising our voice over the phone then only to realized that we’re going to nowhere because we forgot out cause again. But that night, boyfriend didn’t get any sleep at all until wee hours and he sms-ed me as early as 6am. I woke up because I heard the sms and read that boyfriend couldn’t sleep because he had an argument with me. Immediately I called boyfriend and asked him to go sleep, that everything between us is alright.

Silly as it may seem although boyfriend is a big size man, when he is with me, he always behaves like a big baby. Constantly wanting to be pampered and loved by me. He loves it most when I placed my hand on his forehead, then he will do a shiver after I did that. So I get to getaway with being naughty when I do the action after that, his anger will appease very fast. That’s not very hard, isn’t it?

But after all the arguments and disagreements, we are still very fond of each other and love each other deeper. Our arguments helped us to understand each other better and make our relationship more open for any sort of conversation to happen. It also help in making us missing each other even more, I don’t know how but I guess at the end of the day I just want to be in his arms and hearing him telling me that everything will be fine and he loves me more than ever.

P/s: this weekend, boyfriend will be coming down *thrilled*