seems like

seems like ages already but guess wat??? I'm not in a 202 miles apart relationship anymore, yay!!

getting away and into massive jams

After many months of internal struggle, I’ve finally made the decision to be closer with BF. I’m not sure if this is a wise choice but it’s something that I have not regret. It’s been 4 months since I stopped working. During this time, I did some traveling to New Zealand, HK and Macau. The rest of the time I have been busy commuting between my city and BF’s. To some extend we’re still maintaining a distance relationship but the distance is much closer now and we get to spend more time with each other rather than restricting our time to just weekend.

This weekend we’re traveling to Jakarta, BF will be there for his work while I will skip and hop around the malls on my own. It will be a weekend getaway from my usual boredom of sitting around at home doing nothing more than watching drama and to start this fabulous weekend, we’re traveling on business class and checking into Grand Hyatt.

weekend, with a touch of italy

Weekend has come and gone, how did your weekend went?

Last weekend I spent my time with BF, we didn’t do any extraordinary but it was a very good time for me and I hope the same for him too. We spoke about our future a bit but not into detail. I was very happy when he mentioned that I get to have a say in how our home will look like although it will still be heavily influenced by his style. He also told me to do some research on designs that I like to discuss with an interior designer. Imagine the grin on my face. =)

Finally we also manage dine at an Italian restaurant that I have wanted to go very much. It is one of the first few places we dated, so it’s a place with sweet memories for us both. Plus the food there was great as far as my memories served me well. One of the dishes that still remains in my memory till now is the cod fish but BF has warned me not to have high expectation for the food there and he is right on that.

We took pictures of the food and ourselves but not together, silly me of all things, how can I forget that? Anyway I just realized I lost my camera, so I have nothing to keep. *sob*

These days I’m happier, I try to think less but I’m also happy that during those difficult time I have God by my side and he has blessed me with girlfriends who are very supportive of me. They gave me advises that are valuable and helps me to tide through trying time. I really thank God for everything. =)

the sign

From few calls a day, slowly and unknowingly, it has now become 1 call on alternate day. I am slowly losing this relationship and this is something I am trying to come to term with. Deep down in me, I feel very hurt and my heart is weeping every day.

Lord, is this what you have prepared for me?

I have volunteered to go back to his side, meaning to shift my location and transfer back but he has rejected it citing “not prepared for this commitment” as reason. After 2.5 years into this relationship, my eyes swell when I read that. The reason for the change is because I want to build this relationship because living separated this way with no end in sight can be very unhealthy. Some of you may think this may be an impulsive decision to make but to me, I just want to fight for something I really want and I really hoped that he thinks the same but I just put myself for disappointment it seems.

He suggested that I should plan and think for myself. These days chatting with him feels like chatting with a regular friend. I guess the sign is clear.

handling difficult times

How has weekend been for you all?

It's been crazy hot over my place here. I wish the weather can cool down a little so that it doesn't add further burden to my extremely tired soul, not to mention the stress that I am facing with a crying kid (my niece) at home and relationship issue with my significant other.

Things have generally cooled down a little. I'm not sure what to make of this relationship that I have right now. We do talk on the phone, exchanging a little bit of jokes but it still feels different than before. Before there were lovey dovey messages exchanged but now he don't even call me his Bee (short for Baby) or darling. When saying I love you, it's always "love you", in the past if I said that he will asked me "love who?". I also remember he mentioned that there was once a movie, when the guy who had an affair was asked to say "I love you" by his wife he only said "love, love, love, love, love'. In a way saying the word out but not the way the wife had intended it to be. I wonder if this is the case for me now.

These days, I try to control my temper. When facing with issues that I dislike, I will keep quiet and calm myself down by focusing on happier things in life. I also try not to dissect messages so often like before. I know girls always like to read in between the lines. Looking for hidden messages. It's not the girls' fault but we're just born to look into details more that's why we are more sensitive and considerate.

Anyway, by doing that, I realised it's a lot easier, I get less emo and there is less stress on the relationship. Also, I try not to conjure too much unrealistic expectation on both of us. I still have certain things that I hope to change in him but I have learnt to take thing less hard. Another avenue of my release of stress and feelings is through praying. I can't tell you how much prayer have helped me to go through this period of hard time. I'm a christian and have always believed in God very much. This period of emo, God has really helped me alot. He has even sent me messages in the form of email, not kidding. But prayer certainly does help in times of trouble like this.

So we are going through a trying period now. I'm praying hard that things will look better for us soon and there will be a change in our relationship.

How do you handle your relationship during difficult times?

*update: Oh he has just called me "Darling" again! Thank god for answering my prayer.