it's taking off

Going through his earlier posts prompted me to pluck up my courage to pick up the phone to call him. Unfortunately for me the timing was not right; he was at a meeting when I called but good thing is that he did called me after his meeting. Now, everything seems to be back to normal although but none mention anything about what happened yesterday. As if it’s already understood that we’re both not in the mood argue again.

Good news, he messaged me earlier telling me that his partner just signed a deal. I’m very happy to hear this. Knowing that his career has taken off so well that his decision to start his own business is a correct one, for now. I hope everything will work well for him but on the other hand I hope all these success in his life won’t change him either.

Isn’t it always good to see the man / partner in your life doing well?

Hopefully I will have the same luck like BF in my career too. =)

vexed

Since last night after we hang up the phone, we exchanged a few one-word conversation briefly. Till this morning, I’ve not received any phone call from him. One part of me feel like picking up the phone to call him right now but another part of me start questioning, if I pick up the phone to call him, what’s yesterday’s argument suppose to mean?

Then if we start chatting like nothing has happened before, yesterday’s tear will be pointless. I’m tired of shedding tears every now and then, so if there is no understanding or agreement between us, very likely what we argues yesterday will erupt again some time in the near future.

What am I to do? I’m vexed.

a letter to boyfriend

Boyfriend,

I know you have been working hard to drive your dream car but I really want you to know that although without money you can’t do anything but money is the answer to all problems. Even if one day you have amassed a large amount of wealth, that doesn’t mean you will have all the happiness in the world.

I really want to let you know that even though I’m not 100% sure but I will try my best to stand by you through thick and thin. It really hurts to hear those words that you have said to me just now. I wish you had not said those words but if saying those words can make you realized that I really care for you and your health then I’m more than willing to let you say it out.

Even though I know this relationship is hurting me but the only reason I’m enduring it is because I love you. I hope you will one day realized my love for you, I really do. There are so many things that I wish I could tell and share with you but I find our communication these days is coming to a near break down and I’m crushing altogether.

I will pray again tonight, so that God will help us tide through this time of difficulties in our relationship. Hopefully soon there won’t be anymore sad posts in this blog.

Crushed girlfriend.

hopeless

These days, I can’t get past a night without the company of tears. It’s now past 1am in the morning. I just had a heated argument with BF again over the same topic, regarding his drinking issue. Due to work, BF has been drinking a lot lately. In fact every night he has been out drinking with people. There is nothing I can do except to advise him but he feels that my advice is a nag, for this it also became a topic of our quarrel.

Recently I experienced a death in my family, my worries toward him grew. I know his drinking will soon cause health issue, not to mention he is also obese now. Second hand smoke is another thing that I’m worried but I know it’s pointless to bring it up. He asked me not to interfere in his life anymore and since I don’t understand, he doesn’t expect me to understand it and neither will he try to understand my point. Any idea how crushed I feel after hearing those words from him?

Many times I feel like giving up this relationship but I can’t seems to bring myself to do it. I asked God why do I have to go through bitter relationship again? My previous relationship also started sweet but bitter in the end, why? Is this a signal that my relationship with him is coming to the end?

Even though I’ve brought up the break up topic many times but BF always ignore it because he says he loves me a lot and I know I can’t use this any longer. I don’t know what I will do if one day we do break up. I’m really afraid that one day he will break up with me. I’m struggling inside to maintain this relationship. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Last weekend it was about him cancelling our weekend together for his working trip to Beijing. Now, before the end of the week we’re quarrelling about his drinking habit. I’m starting to think if this is a problem of my own. Maybe I just don’t understand people at all. My ex-BF once said that I’m the worst GF he ever had, am I really that hopeless?

It’s been a long time since I last posted something here. Our posts streams in when we started this relationship to now, it’s trickling and possibly to a halt. I’m not sure when I will ever post to this blog again or will if he remembers this blog.

Boyfriend is at the top of his career now. Seeing him at the top there, on one hand I’m happy on the other hand I’m beginning to be worried. All the dramas that I have watched have staunchly advice me that man when with money will attract the unnecessary attention. Sigh, due to this I know that I’ve caused strain in our relationship.

I’m not sure of the road ahead of us now. I sensed that things have changed. We are not as loving as we first used to, where the clouds were cotton candy, the sun were a loving touch telling me that he is right beside me and the air is his sense of presence. Now, the cotton candies are gone, the sun is harsh and air is stuffy. I feel a struggle in me to break away from it.

Last weekend we had a furious fight. We had planned for a weekend together and were looking forward to it very much. So imagine my disappointment when he told me that he prefers to spend his weekend away in a foreign country for his work. It was a flurry of angry activities going on between us; in the end we grew tired and didn’t go on anymore.

I’ve just ended my conversation with him on the phone. Things seem to be fine. He cooed me by assuring me that he dote me only. One part of me is cynical about it thinking that those are just honey coated words but another part of me hopes it’s not. Every time when this happens, I listen and pray hard that I will one day know that these are real, honest words from him.