spending time together

Any relationship there will be ups and downs. I don’t want my memories of my relationship with BF to consist of only downs, like the previous few posts. Today it shall be something different. Like other couples, we manage to have some normal couple time together. Funny, I know how some couples may frown at the thought that their relationship is just about watching movie, window-shopping and eating. But for us, this is not something that comes by easily.

We started our morning with a discussion of our issues that’s been boggling us; we tried very hard to iron out the creases between us. We both love each other very much but on the other hand, our character makes us struggle to be the alpha male in the relationship. Both unwilling to submit to each other but dominate even though we know we love each other very much. This has of course cause tension between us every now and then, causing our relationship constantly wobble between breaking up and not.

We tried to come to an agreement that he will take care of himself more by going exercise with me, SMS me regardless of time telling me that he reaches home and never raise his voice or say words that I don’t like listening to. Likewise, I will interfere less into his drinking and late night activities that his work will be his priorities for now and I will try to learn to live with that.

After the talk, we manage to catch 2 movies together. We watched the much anticipated Angels and Demons and Monster vs. Alien 3D. I feel when watching movies, our relationship with each other becomes closer every time. I get to hold on to his hand tightly and he will sometimes shower me with kisses while watching movie. It’s really a very sweet time; sometimes I wish the time would stand still at that point.

Even though with a little silent protest from BF, we manage to have soup as dinner. BF is the type that has to have meat and carbo for dinner, so having soup for dinner is not what he will call it as dinner but I guess this is his way of showing that he is going eat the healthy way. Of course I’m happy about it because I want to spend many more years with him in the coming future.

We ended our day with a game of Monopoly we bought earlier. It’s a very good way to spend some quality time together, other than watching movie. Even though I lost in the game but at I’m happy that I’m able to spend some quality time with him.

sleeping on it, yet again

Internet has always been a bad form for communication of feelings. Unlike talking face to face, we are able to see each other’s expression and feel each other’s feeling instantly and not guessing it on another end. So I thought the discussion tonight will end well with me lying snugly by his side and cooing me to sleep.

Less than 5 minutes into the talk, we’re already lying on the bed with our back facing each other. My plan was to be a bit more rational by listing down our issues and talking about it one by one but before I can do that, his answer to me is I should just leave him alone. It just seems so hard to communicate my feelings to him, he is unwilling to step back and when I sense that I got defensive altogether.

Is this going to be another one of those nights where I will be sleeping on my problem again, except maybe the problem will be sleeping by my side? Will we ever have a conclusion to our endless arguments?

in search for conclusion

For missing our weekend together last week, BF has scheduled to spend his weekend with me. Tonight he will be flying in, so we will be spending time together. I’ll be lying to you guys, if I say that I’m not happy at all. In fact at this moment of writing this post, I can feel my heart leaping with joy.

It’s after lunch now, BF message me on MSN suggesting to have a heart to heart talk. This is our first step toward confronting issues together after rows of staying up late, tearing, shouting and slamming on the phone. Right now, he told me that he is feeling confused and disturbed about our relationship but nevertheless still loves me. To be honest, I have the same feeling too. Many times in the midst of our heated arguments I did bring up the topic of breaking up, one part of me really feel like giving it all up but another part of me still wants this relationship to work. I already have my fair share of failed relationship and don’t want another to add on to my list of unsuccessful relationships.

So I suggested we can start talking about it tonight and have Saturday and Sunday to sort iron it out. Not sure how it will end but I do hope there will be a conclusion to this discussion. Hopefully I can share it here after we have an outcome. *finger cross*

it's taking off

Going through his earlier posts prompted me to pluck up my courage to pick up the phone to call him. Unfortunately for me the timing was not right; he was at a meeting when I called but good thing is that he did called me after his meeting. Now, everything seems to be back to normal although but none mention anything about what happened yesterday. As if it’s already understood that we’re both not in the mood argue again.

Good news, he messaged me earlier telling me that his partner just signed a deal. I’m very happy to hear this. Knowing that his career has taken off so well that his decision to start his own business is a correct one, for now. I hope everything will work well for him but on the other hand I hope all these success in his life won’t change him either.

Isn’t it always good to see the man / partner in your life doing well?

Hopefully I will have the same luck like BF in my career too. =)

vexed

Since last night after we hang up the phone, we exchanged a few one-word conversation briefly. Till this morning, I’ve not received any phone call from him. One part of me feel like picking up the phone to call him right now but another part of me start questioning, if I pick up the phone to call him, what’s yesterday’s argument suppose to mean?

Then if we start chatting like nothing has happened before, yesterday’s tear will be pointless. I’m tired of shedding tears every now and then, so if there is no understanding or agreement between us, very likely what we argues yesterday will erupt again some time in the near future.

What am I to do? I’m vexed.