hopeless

These days, I can’t get past a night without the company of tears. It’s now past 1am in the morning. I just had a heated argument with BF again over the same topic, regarding his drinking issue. Due to work, BF has been drinking a lot lately. In fact every night he has been out drinking with people. There is nothing I can do except to advise him but he feels that my advice is a nag, for this it also became a topic of our quarrel.

Recently I experienced a death in my family, my worries toward him grew. I know his drinking will soon cause health issue, not to mention he is also obese now. Second hand smoke is another thing that I’m worried but I know it’s pointless to bring it up. He asked me not to interfere in his life anymore and since I don’t understand, he doesn’t expect me to understand it and neither will he try to understand my point. Any idea how crushed I feel after hearing those words from him?

Many times I feel like giving up this relationship but I can’t seems to bring myself to do it. I asked God why do I have to go through bitter relationship again? My previous relationship also started sweet but bitter in the end, why? Is this a signal that my relationship with him is coming to the end?

Even though I’ve brought up the break up topic many times but BF always ignore it because he says he loves me a lot and I know I can’t use this any longer. I don’t know what I will do if one day we do break up. I’m really afraid that one day he will break up with me. I’m struggling inside to maintain this relationship. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Last weekend it was about him cancelling our weekend together for his working trip to Beijing. Now, before the end of the week we’re quarrelling about his drinking habit. I’m starting to think if this is a problem of my own. Maybe I just don’t understand people at all. My ex-BF once said that I’m the worst GF he ever had, am I really that hopeless?