planning for a holiday

Recently boyfriend and I are planning for a holiday to somewhere nearby. We are currently looking for a holiday that will not hurt too much of our wallet as well as not too taxing to our schedule. The fact that we are both living in different countries does give us another factor to consider on whether we should both travel separately to the destination or meet up then travel there together.

Right now boyfriend is suggesting that we go Krabi or Phi Phi Island and I want to go Hanoi. So that itself is another dilemma for us, we both want to please each other’s decision yet would like to go to our destination. Then we also thought about going on a cruise holiday to Phuket but I feel the price for cruise holiday a little tad too pricey.

With all these differences at least one thing that we have in common is that we both want to relax and enjoy each other’s company. At this point of time we are still trying hunting for a suitable place to go. Does anyone of you out there have any recommendations? Do you ever face a similar dilemma as we did?

Some pictures of Krabi that I found it off the Internet:

Isn't the sunset in this picture awesome?

The idyllic view of the sea

Our new endeavour...

We are on Facebook and on Warbook, getting very much addicted to this little fantasy game.

This blog is getting sidelined because of our work, personal life, and of 'together time'. We have now sorta worked our way into a comfortable regiment of meeting up. Its slowly getting more manageable (This is my POV, she might think otherwise) I am sorry blog, promise to slowly cut some slack and be more frequent in our postings, our garden.

We were together during the deepavali holidays, we were together for quite a few weekends - It was very nice having my darling lou por by my side day and night, night and day. Love her when she laughs, nags, snores, sleeps, eats, dreams, gets pissed, gets cute, gets vain, gets agitated, everything about her is good to me *grinz* Muakz*.

Well anyways for the next few weeks, the schedule is also jam packed. This weekend we will be attending seperate weddings in different states hence we are not meeting up, the following weekend, we will be holding each other tight and the last and final weekend of november, I will be in Indonesia on some business trip - Some opportunities which I hope to materialize and make me a very rich man.

I am now in my mid-20's and am able to amass some half a million ringgit in cash. What do i do to grow that? it seems NOT ENOUGH, how much is enough? HOW MUCH DO I HAVE TO MAKE to give my darling a comfortable life? to give myself a comfortable life? to be stable enough to become a pier for all those around me lending a helpful arm out if necessary?

When you think along those lines, you start thinking of what you will do with those money. Its just mind boggling how some fortunes are amassed and you start to wonder HOW DO I GO ABOUT doing that?

hahahaha I have side tracked, back to the main topic. WE are still very much happily together and will be for a long long long time to come. It is rough at times, but we will ride it out as long a we keep ourselves flexible & keep communication channels open.

*muakz* my darling.
Lou Gung...

birthday

It is probably a long, long time since either one of us updated on this blog. Many apologies to our readers from afar for this unprompted hiatus. We have both been rather caught up with our work, personal matters and also trying to spend as much time as possible to be together. Lucky us, God has been rather graceful to us, allowing us to have the luxury to spend time more then what we can ask for.

A little flashback to what has happened, I had a little birthday celebration over the weekend with boyfriend sometime during mid October. Although it would have been even more perfect if I can also spend it with my family as well but boyfriend's thoughtfulness and dedication towards my birthday has not disappoint me at all. His every thought and careful planning has only revealed to me how much he loves me and this relationship we have and I am even more glad to be with him.

For my present, boyfriend has given me the latest 8G iPod nano that allows one to watch video and play games on it. I've been hooked on Heroes since then, watching videos from the tiny little screen, squinting my eyes and subsequently getting a headache from “pursuing” too much of Heroes episodes from my iPod (or better known as Ah-Pod to boyfriend). Then we had a peaceful and quiet dinner at a Japanese restaurant at Hajime.

Perhaps the only unfortunate thing is that I did not manage to take any picture to post on the blog. Nevertheless, I am glad to have spent a memorable birthday with him as his beloved. Also, not forgetting my horrible experience at the airport, I missed my flight and had to buy another ticket to return under the advice of a st*pid officer only to realized from another officer that I need not do that. So i guess that makes it 2 unfortunate incident over my birthday weekend. What luck!

Slight updates...

Sincere apologies for neglecting the blog, but work has been crazy lately. The pressure is slowly intensifying as time passes, is this all life is? - work, more work and more work? hahahaha sometimes i wonder.

My darling's birthday came and went, it was a 'extended' birthday celebration - not really the 'big bang birthday celebration' i was hoping for but I think it went well. Its her first birthday together with me as a couple, and i am loving every moment of it. *Smilez* I love you darling and hope you like the pressie.

It all started with my darling 'forcing' me to give her the present prematurely, then I was again forced to tell her the dinner plans, then abit more forcing here and there (Tired, hehe) and abit of walking in some newly launched shopping malls. As I have said, its abit more like a extended celebration (Everyday for the past weekend has been her day, and my oh my she made full use of that power - hahahaha) I still love you darling.

Updates on the relationship, we are still as lovey dovey as possible and no signs of any decrease in that. I really am happy and am in love with this relationship.

*muakz* Forward we go darling,
Lou Gong....

Long break...

It has been a while since WE last updated our blog, I sincerely apologize especially to my baby lou por zai. It has been a crazy time at work for me - bottomless pile of work to follow-up, back to back meetings, stupid clients, and above all that - the feeling of needing to justify my new position (new pay)

On top of office work, my own personal 'vested interest' is taking up the remainder of my time. Wish me luck that i cash out on it. It will be quite 'lucrative' if you know what i mean hehe.

Now back to the unblogged weeks.

Was in Indonesia doing some training, catching up with some people, developing my network to hopefully something fruitful. I left Indonesia one day before the quake, on september 11th. May god bless those people affected and bring them some relief. *sigh* We are so lucky yet we sometime's complain (anyways that another story for another day)

The weekend after that, i was in my babies hometown. Walked into the door with 2 boxes of mooncakes (nice to see not nice to eat) sorry darling. *muakz*. I had my favourite beef noodle's, and some 'thunder' rice (which doesn't taste too bad *smilez* - acquired taste hehe). Drove my baby to the bus station in which i really really did NOT WANT MY BABY TO LEAVE MY SIDE. *sigh* I a so in love with my darling...

The following weekend, am down in Singapore to help my darling shift into her new place. Didn't do much, just managed the boxes and checklisted everything. The movers did the bulk of the work very professionally i might add (minor hiccups with a lost screw BUT all was good). The room is bigger than her previous room and a much bigger window (Quite nice) BUT no aircond =( hahahahahaha.... anyways all is good and i feel very safe with my baby in this new place. Lets just say that area is well protected - thanks to a very hardy VVVIP.

An update on our relationship. It is developing nicely and we are still so very much in love. I am falling deeper and deeper for my girl day by day.

MY girls big birthday day is coming up, i am cracking my head to do many many nice things for her to make her happy. I just love seeing her smile and happy. *muakz* I really do not know what i have lined up yet darling but i really hope you will like whatever i do and plan.

Forever and ever yours,
Lou Kung Zai

The year so far...

This will be the ramblings of a confused and cluttered mind, I will try to make as much sense as possible in this posts. Many things are happening at the same time and I want to make sure I make the best of it.

The first half of the year 2007

Been a roller coaster ride for me, from a very dark, dim, dodgy start to the year. My life seemingly sucked into the 'dark side'. Financially I was driving myself into the red line, physically i was drinking and smoking, everything else was just a blur. If you ask me, do i regret? my answer will be a NO, I do not regret for the sheer reason that it is the past. I move forward and learn and hopefully become a 'better person' (evolution?)

Career wise, it was stagnating. Business wise was also non-existant. Things did not look good, and I was bordering on insanity trying to THINK MYSELF OUT of the rut i was in. Horrible time horrible, the alcohol, smoke, dark times seem to dull the senses enough for me to survive.

Family wise was alright, just because of the sheer fact that i was never home long enough for people to even notice my changes. All my activities are shrouded behind 'Work purposes'. I leave the house early in the morning, go home in the wee hours of the night. Many times not even showering to sleep as i was just too drunk or too tired or both.

Personally I was alone, too alone. Looking back - it was scary but still worth experiencing. I was down. but never have i experienced a double whammy of being down and continually being sucked into the 'dark side'

Second half of the year

I am glad to say things have taken a turn for the better, if i can plot it on a graph, it will look like a 'bull market' immediately after the depression of the century. Things started picking up after (I am not sure of the exact order) but there are a few key highlights of the year which I am thankful and glad that happened.

First things first, I am very much in love now. I think i found the person i want to spend my life with. (I am not saying this just because she co-owns this blog) but i really feel that WE can work something out. I think of her continuously and want the best for her. *muakz* darling lou por zai.

then I got a promotion and a much needed salary hike, putting me into the 6 figure yearly income bracket. This new fact kept me entertained for a good 5 minutes, after that I started to wonder HOW do i make more. hahahahahaah talk about contentment.

From there, the love of my life convinced me to quit my cigar smoking, else she will do something drastic. I also quite because the cigars made it horrendously dry for me. Anyway.. cigars are not off my hobby list.

Recently my 'vested interest' outside just got paid off, hopefully there is $$ behind the cheque i got. Wish me luck. my first 6 figure cheque and I guess I should be quite comfortable for the year. But again, the novelty of having 6 figures lasted about 10 minutes? Now i am wondering how do I make more and how much more is enough? I want my porsche and ferrari's in my LIFETIME.

Overall things are turning out to be good, need to keep the momentum and strive for bigger better things. It is in 'good times' that we should prepare for 'rainy days'. But how and what? I need to crack this nut soonest possible just to be safe.

Wish me luck, so far so good.

Love you darling lou por, please be my guide, support and chronicler of my life. I really need you to help me out in alot of the areas that will pop up.

Loving you lots,
Still a 25 year old boy trying to make the best of his life.

a weekend with boyfriend

Yay!!!

Boyfriend is going back to KL today. Although I won’t be meeting him in KL but at least I’ll be able to call him to listen to his voice on his cell phone. Otherwise when his cell phone is on roaming, it’s very expensive for him to receive or make any calls. Plus, KL is definitely much safer then Jakarta thousand of times and I feel more comfortable with him there.

Last weekend, boyfriend made a stop in Singapore to visit me before going to Jakarta. While he is here, we went for a watch exhibition, ate lots of nice food and had so much lovey dovey fun together. We had so much lovely time together albeit a little bit of hiccups in between but I guess it’s ok. Since he has already promised not to raised his voice or bully me anymore. So I shall use this post as evidence that he will always talk to me nicely and never make me upset anymore.

Miss boyfriend so much; wish I could hug him right away. *grin*

Something to blog about...

•So far away...

I cannot touch your hand,
I cannot feel your breath,
I cannot hold you close.

Yet so close...
I can feel you in my heart,
I can see you in my mind,
I can hear you in my ears.

You can be so far away...

But as long as I have your love...
As long as I have you...
You will always be close.

For,
As sure as the sun rises,
And the tides will change,
I will always love you,
An you will always be close to my heart.




I love you my darling lou por zai.
Lou Gong (in the office getting ready to leave)

My baby is doing me proud...

I love you lou por zai, I am glad that my baby is taking my workload in stride. My darling is being very understanding and very supportive of my current jam packed work load, abit of 'noise' here and there but overall its all good.

From new business pitches, to justification of my existence, to preparing for a Jakarta workshop, to trying to come up with a 'next steps' for my life, working out the budgets for my division, to maintaining a happy relationship is a very tedious job. I need the support and understanding that my darling lou por is giving me now.

She is wonderful!

I just wish that we were in the same city, this way she can sayang me everyday, everynight, all day, all night, all time, everytime... thinking about it brings a smile to my face. I am sooo sooo sooo smitten *muakz* love you darling!.

anyways now i gotta run off and go home, to continue slaving away in front of my laptop.

*muakz*
Lou Gong

Ups and downs...

Love you darling, it is as I expected that we will get into an arguement. The really funny thing about our arguements is that it GOES NO WHERE, we end up talking and talking and bickering until we forget our points - THERE IS NO POINT TO THE ARGUEMENT then it just becomes a tussle of very thick skin and 'hard necks' geez.

We are going to look back and really have a good laugh over this. I guess the best part of having an arguement is that the 'make up' sex is fanfuckingtastic hahahahaah. *wink wink*.

It has been a while since i updated the blog, work has been crazy. Back to back from pitches to budget meetings to trainings in Jakarta to my personal business 'making some head way'. I am really glad and happy that darling has been HIGHLY SUPPORTIVE and is taking this in stride.. GOOD GOOD. Keep it up my darling, this is really what I need from you and our relationship. Support and understanding.

Lately I have been 'stuck', now that I got a pay raise, promotion, business money seems to be flowing in, NOW WHAT? WHAT NEXT? 100 thousand dollars, 300 thousand dollars, how much is it going to stretch? How do i grow it to 3 million? 30 million? 300 million? I need 'something' - what is that 'something'?

It sometimes can get very frustrating just thinking about it. Should i be patient? should i be frustrated? what what? All this for a more comfortable life in the future, luxuries? Giving back to my parents, my family, showering my darling with life's luxuries, doing stuff back to the community.

I always thought that IF in the future I had a choice to do charity work, my focus would be on senior citizens. Everyone seems to be focussing on children children and the future, what about the past? the people that made us what we are today - they are getting short changed. If you have grandparents, I have a tried and tested method of giving them endless smiles and happiness. It is the very simple touch, a touch, a reassuring hold, a grip, a firm 'I am here' hold goes a long way - they do not need your money, they do not need your luxuries, they just need your time and your touch.

I regret not doing enough for my grandmother (Paternal, whose death anniversary is just a few days ago).

Anyways I have diverged from topic, hahahahaha I LOVE MY DARLING LOU POR ZAI so much.

Can't wait to be intertwined with her this weekend.

Lou gong zai.

hearts are joining

Every day is a brand new day to our relationship. We look forward to each day, to the day when we can finally be physically close to each other once again.

Though we’re hundreds of miles apart but our hearts are joining together. I pray to God everyday that he will always think of me and I will always have a special place in his heart.

Love you so much my lou gong zai... *muaks*

bumpy ride

Things are a little bumpy for boyfriend and me, it seems every time we touched on topic about meeting up, we get into some disagreement. Luckily for us, the next day after that we will wake up and forget what happened the night before and become lovey dovey back again. I believe most of our arguments stemmed from us missing each other a lot and wanting to be with each other physically but due to our distance and busy schedule, it is becoming hard to do so. Because of these issues, we normally ended up in arguments, at times half way through our arguments; we tend to also forget why we argued.

So last weekend, we had a similar argument again. As usual, boyfriend refused to give in, even though he promised to do that, and my usual style, I too refuse to give in. We ended up raising our voice over the phone then only to realized that we’re going to nowhere because we forgot out cause again. But that night, boyfriend didn’t get any sleep at all until wee hours and he sms-ed me as early as 6am. I woke up because I heard the sms and read that boyfriend couldn’t sleep because he had an argument with me. Immediately I called boyfriend and asked him to go sleep, that everything between us is alright.

Silly as it may seem although boyfriend is a big size man, when he is with me, he always behaves like a big baby. Constantly wanting to be pampered and loved by me. He loves it most when I placed my hand on his forehead, then he will do a shiver after I did that. So I get to getaway with being naughty when I do the action after that, his anger will appease very fast. That’s not very hard, isn’t it?

But after all the arguments and disagreements, we are still very fond of each other and love each other deeper. Our arguments helped us to understand each other better and make our relationship more open for any sort of conversation to happen. It also help in making us missing each other even more, I don’t know how but I guess at the end of the day I just want to be in his arms and hearing him telling me that everything will be fine and he loves me more than ever.

P/s: this weekend, boyfriend will be coming down *thrilled*

Many things happening at once...

Its been a while since I blogged, I am sorry honey.

The fact is, I have been swamped with work. Lately things are happening around me that caused me to think alot more about life and the meaning of it. From the absolute amount of work on my table, to the happenings in the world. There are so many things I want to blog about but have no idea where to start.

First item, is the 'search' for my baby's room. She works in Singapore and lately has been getting headaches trying to find a place to move to, a room to be exact. It must be easily accessible to a MRT and safe. The rental cost in Singapore just shot up, its crazy. But anyways I just found out that the place we shortlisted is not available anymore, so we will have to find another place. *sigh* my darling the poor baby. *muakz* - I promise OUR future to be good, safe and fun.

Then there is my work, i recently got promoted with a pay raise. I guess now i am 'happier' with work an approx. 60% pay raise does wonders hahahaah. I will ask for more in the next 6 months. In the past month, it has been crazy with back to back new business pitches, justification of my role, and some fires to fight. Well wish me luck here, I need to show value to the company now.

In terms of the things that make me think more about my life?, well I will try to articulate this more in a later posts because now there is an internal struggle to really get a handle on whats happenings.

Through all this, I am happy and glad that my darling is by my side. She is slowly accepting the facts of my job and the demands it makes of my time - she is very understanding and highly supportive but sometimes she doesn't really understand how my work gives value to anyone hahahahahaah. She thinks i get paid for bullshit. but nevertheless, this is the platform that is going to help me make big bucks my darling and we will live off the fruits of my labour *fingers crossed* hahahaahah

So in love with my baby,
Lou Kung Zai @ Work missing my darling

room hunter on the loose...

Boyfriend came to spend the weekend with me on the pretext of coming here on a business trip to work on, yet another pitch. Over the weekend we did some room hunting since the current apartment is going to be sold. I wish so much that the place we’re hunting is the place we are living together.

We visited 2 places so far; the first is a common room that is right opposite an mrt station. This unit is to be shared with 2 other Thai people. This might be my first time to share place with foreigners. The part I love most about the room, is it has a huge full length mirror with a huge cupboard for my stuff and since the unit is a 22nd floor, it is actually quite windy, no need for air-con but I think might be hard for boyfriend.

My main criteria when it comes to choosing a place to live is this place has to be very near mrt station. I know how much a pain it can cause if I have to walk very far. With the budget that I have, I suppose I should be able to find a place that is near mrt station but perhaps not a master room with own toilet. I guess I can do away with the private toilet but definitely can’t live far from mrt station.

Then the 2nd place we went is supposedly 7 minutes away, according to the lady I spoken on the phone, from the nearest mrt station but to our horror when we reached, we walked a 15 minutes sweaty walk. At least that’s what I saw it happened on poor boyfriend. He was soaked in sweat from head to toe and the apartment seems a little unpleasant to our likings. First there was a stench in the house then the actual owner of the house sleeps in the living room and the unit is much too small to my comfort. I noticed the people in that area seems to be some aging community since there were 2 ongoing funerals side by side the road.

Based on these 2 rooms I viewed, I think we both prefer the first room. Due to its convenience and our first impression of the places, think we might just go for the first room we went. I’ve just conveyed my interest to the Thai lady over the phone, going to put pay my down payment soon.

Wish me luck ;)

Let down...

My business trip may not happen, I have once again let my baby down. A once well planned trip down to 'hometown' is now a total confusion on whether do i go Singapore or 'hometown'. All this plus work has been back to back recently. Schedule jam packed all the way till October, with pitch after pitch coming and going - new position and pay grade to justify.

my darling beloved lou por zai, WE are stronger than this. Right from the start I have always been saying - we need to be strong. There will be sacrifices that needs to be made in order for US to have a comfortable future and i guess this fact is slowly getting hard to ignore.

Well I love you and I want our relationship to last for all time, lets work this out and keep at this. Slight adversity won't hinder love for you.

*muakz*

Good morning my darling lou por zai.

Lovingly yours,
Lou Kung Zai (With pitch document not done yet, hahaha *tear*)

missing him even more

Missing boyfriend so much, even more so after looking at the pictures he posted from our recent beach holiday. Wish I could run to him, hug him tight and forget about all the rest of the things that is happening. Looking forward to the day when I can live in the same city with him and have dinner together after work everyday.

Another weekend went by without boyfriend’s presence while I seek solace in Whitney Houston’s songs. I was back in my hometown for the weekend, when I return to my room, I sense the emptiness in my room. Even though boyfriend had only once spent a weekend there but I can already quickly connect his missing presence in my room.

Looking forward to the coming Friday since boyfriend will be here for a business trip (yay!).

To boyfriend: *muaks* Love you lots and lots.

Step by step to....

Our footsteps in the sand, this is how i foresee my future from now on. :)

My heart is in her hands now

Sign of love

This is the sign of love, *Muakz* we are so in love.

Will be missing my baby...

In another 1.5 hours my beloved lou por zai will be on a bus recreating the 202 mile gap that we have. It was a very wonderful 5 days that i spent with her. Absolute bliss - our relationship is developing at a nice pace, minor miscommunications, little patches of 'quiet time', but all was cool and calm - handled beautifully by both parties.

I love you so much lou por zai!, we need to sort everything out before it becomes a major issue.

I will now go to pay for your facial (Since i got u all tanned with our beach holiday).

Loving you forever and ever,
Dee dee aka Lou Kung Zai

blissful weekend

The mood is getting lighter now as my extended weekend is approaching. I’m sitting in my office looking out of the window, to look between the buildings ahead of me for a small spot of view of the sea. Plugging on my headphones and tuning in to smoothjazz.com, my favorite Internet radio station, to chill and relaxing my tense muscle preparing for a good weekend ahead of me.

In a few more hours time I will be joining boyfriend in KL then heading to Terengganu for a nice lovey dovey weekend. Boyfriend has booked a hotel for the 2 of us to spend some quality time together and away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

I’m looking forward to the weekend getaway, looking forward to be in boyfriend’s arm once again. It’s a total bliss that we’re both looking forward.

p/s: still holding on to boyfriend's hand *tight squeeze*

Do not let go...

I am so in love, and in moments of weakness I will contradict what I say. I know I need to stable down here in before I ask you to come back - BUT I still ask you to come back quicker nevertheless. Its contradicting but its what I feel. I am sorry, those were moments of weakness.

Like I keep saying, we have to be strong for we have a long road ahead of us. We have so much more time to spend with each other, a little bit of hardship/distance shouldn't hold us back from all that. I am so in love.

I promise to follow your lead, PLEASE HOLD ON TO MY HAND AND NEVER LET ME GO.

Holding on tightly,
Little hubby

Love you little hubby

Have not been updating here for a long time since I started it. Didn’t mean to neglect this space in my life but things is just getting very busy in my life. Plus I was also plagued by a terrible flu that resulted in me spending my weekend on bed (almost).

Relationship with boyfriend is progressing well. We’ve had our first quarrel already but everything still seems well balanced, I think I blame the cause of all our arguments the past few days to my hormone imbalance. I’m aware of that but I was refusing to admit to it since my ego refuses to bow down (just like boyfriend).

Otherwise we’re now back to our lovey dovey mode. Sending each other messages either on MSN or SMS telling how much we miss the other party and how much we love each other. Dating on the phone creatively.

I’m so in love with my relationship with boyfriend and most importantly I’m so in love with boyfriend. Even when I’m out with other guys, I constantly have images of boyfriend popping in my mind. That goes to show how deep I have fell for boyfriend. Funny thing is I have never thought that I will fall in love with boyfriend when going out with him as friend and definitely NOT this much.

Having lived alone for so many years and been through many ups and downs in my life, I’ve become a more focus person. When it comes to things that I want in my life, I’m able to make my decision better and less indecisive. Through this relationship I realized that what I want is not just a normal relationship like what I used to have in the past but a relationship that last. A relationship that doesn’t just stop at a HUGE *Tiffany diamond ring but also seeing OUR kids growing up getting married while still holding on to boyfriend’s hand.

Life is unpredictable but I hope my relationship with boyfriend it will be destined to last to the very end of our lives.

*subject to changes

I am jealous...

My bee is having lunch with some 'guy' that has interest in her. I am actually okay because I trust her so much - BUT I can't but help feeling abit uneasy and 'pain' when I think of the situation. I love you so much my Lou Por Zai!

Love you lots,
Your Dee Dee!

Missing my Lou Por Zai!

I can't wait to be by my Lou Por Zai's side again. I look forward to next Wednesday when she will once again be in my arms. It has been a somewhat turbulent month for us, miscommunication, misunderstandings, bickering's, tears, laughter, heat, and some very painful 'quiet time'. I am glad to report that WE have come out unscathed and strong as ever.

There are a few things that led us down that dark path, one of the key reason is that WE miss each other too much. I miss my baby soo much. Every waking moment, every sleeping moment, every moment i miss my bee. My Lou Por Zai, my one and only keeper of my heart. I love you!

I really honestly am working and planning for a LONG FUTURE together bee. Please be patient with me.

So in love with you,
Lou Kong Zai

Undying love for my Bee...

I love you like the sun in the sky
Or maybe how a bird is destined to fly
Even more than a mother loves her child
Or all the animals running in the wild

Words can't sum up the way that I feel
But I'll definitely say
These feelings are real
And as Sent from above
Im here to give you my undying love

So in closing my dear
I pray I've made it rather clear
You mean everything to me
My sweet heart can't you see
I can't get enough of your endless touch
Oh my sweet baby, I love you so much!

Yours now & forever,
Dee Dee

A future together...

Its been a while since our last posting, not that we are starting to ignore the blog. Its just that during the weekend we were too intertwined *grinz*. We were too busy staying 0 miles, 0 meters, 0 centimeters, 0 millimeters away from each other. It was a nice long weekend, but no matter how long it still doesn't help cuz at the end of the day we will go back to the 202 miles apart.

The topic that is currently floating in the air, sometimes good sometimes bad is about OUR FUTURE. Ever since the start of our relationship, I have the thinking that 'this time, this is it'. I really think Bee is the one for me for the long term to go the distance.

I know we are still a very new couple, but I really am ready, prepared and willing to do whatever it takes to be 'the one' for my bee bee. I am so so so so in love with my bee.

The weekend ended abruptly due to rain and a very last minute bus ride. I did not even get to hug and kiss my darling baby princess good-bye. I was alright when she got on the bus, I was alright when i got back into my car, I was alright when my car moved back into traffic, but when I saw my baby sitting in the bus with a little wave of her hand - I broke down, i felt as if my heart was wrenched out of its place, the tears started pouring and pouring, the effort of trying to regain composure made it even worst, I started to wail in the car ' I miss my baby so very much, i feel so empty and lost without her', then a message from my bee dealt the final blow - my heart was a million pieces being washed away by the river of tears, I AM NOTHING WITHOUT MY BEE. I am so sorry for making you go thru this Bee, I love you so much..

Monday and Tuesday was a flurry of activity on my end, endless nights of preparation for the next day. I am getting too old for this sleepless nights shit. But both the days ended with nice positive notes. Tonight i gotta catch up on me sleep, else definitely will end up in the zoo as the 3rd panda from China.

I think as time goes by, and our relationship matures and flowers. The topic of 'a future together' will require more of our time to think and to plan. It will be such an adventure, so beautiful. I love you so much bee *muakz*

I can't wait to see my bee for the weekend at her hometown. I love you bee.

I am so sorry to make you go thru any pain without me being there.
Dee loving Bee

My heart yearns for you...

Here i lie in bed tonight,
I type with just the laptop light. (Thanks to IBM)
It's you i'm missing and how close you are
when i roll over your not far.

But thats not the case at quarter to three,
when i turned over tonight it was only me.
It's disturbing to me to not know how you are,
i worry about you no matter how far.

You beside me i feel at ease and at rest,
this feeling unexplainable but it's the absolute best.
It hurts when your gone i feel pain when theres no you,
it's probably because of what we went through.

I cant wait to see you it's only been three days apart,
but if it was any longer than this the pain would be deep,
in this loving heart

Yours for now and forever
Bee's Dee..

Missing you from a distance...

Have you ever bothered to realize
how much you mean to me?
I care so totemo much for you inside
and miss you so deeply.

All the time I held you in my arms,
I had the whole world right there with me.
There you were, comforting me with
all of your charms (and wrinkled nose and giggles and you just being you).

Every little kiss from you, every little nag from you,
was like a dream come true.
This love that I have inside my heart,
it all belonged to you and belongs to you.

It's funny, all those little things
I never thought I'd miss,
Like all those conversations we had,
or the first time we kissed (I still remember it quite clearly, NOT PASSIONATE ENOUGH MY ASS hehe)

I guess that what I'm trying to say,
is I miss and love you more each passing day,
It hurts me not to see you,
or not to know if you're ok.

I want you to understand
that I loved you from the start.
And I want you to know,
no matter how many miles
we may be apart,
you'll always hold a special place
in my heart.

Little hubby...

Starting my 202 mile journey back.

Listening to the sound of 'not having bee beside me' & tearing in the process (Hope no one on the bus notice a big man such as myself crying away)

It all started a VERY BEAUTIFUL SUNDAY morning, woke up with Bee by my side (absolute bliss) the next hour or so is censored to keep this blogs rating of PG 13 *Grinz*. We took a short excursion out of the house, for breakfast & lunch and my much needed Egg dosage *wink wink*. Well not much good food in Singapore - I only enjoy the Japanese food in Singapore, only because they are so very clean here (Taste is alright). Everything took on a very sweet taste for this trip, with Bee by my side.

Went back to the room, started some packing then Bee started to cry. Seeing her sobbing, broke my heart a million pieces. I wanted to tear, wanted to cry so very badly because I feel exactly the same pain my bee is going thru. I can't cause if i start then who will stop us? I had to be the strong one this time. I gritted my teeth, stoned up my heart, FOCUSED on stopping my crying beee - I failed (*blush*). So there we were the sobbing duo, crying dee and bee. Ridiculously old couple crying because I am just going back to KL hahahahaahahahahaha we are going to look back at this and find it so funny bee. *muakz*

After what seemed to me like a blink of an eye I had to go, 40 minutes before my bus leaves without me. One more great big hug, a kiss and with a heavy heart i sped off down the lift and up an awaiting cab to rush for my bus ride back to KL. To be honest, only the 'shell' left the room - my heart and soul very much stayed back to accompany my bee (The only place I want to be right now / FROM NOW ON)

I am so sorry Bee. I am so very sorry.

I have another 35 minutes to get to my bus and my cab gets caught in a jam. I am starting to toy with the idea of staying in Singapore for another day just to accompany my bee bee. Seeing her sobbing, broke my heart a million pieces. I buzzed her and herd her sobbing voice telling me she followed me down and couldn't find me (I was already on the cab) - I am so sorry bee, I love you.

Got to my bus with 5 minutes to spare, settled in and started contemplating stepping off the bus to 'miss the bus'. Minutes deep into my thought, the bus crawled off - I am sorry bee, I love you so much.

There are so many things left to do, left to be said to my bee - so little time. I really want only the best for you bee, i only want to send smiles, happiness and laughter to you and through your life. I only want to see that wrinkled up nose when you laugh and giggle and *sigh*.... I MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH BEE! see you asleep so peacefully made me feel so happy and lucky - NOW I have something important to protect *Grinz*

I dozed off after about 15 minutes, then went thru the customs like a zombie (deep in thought). I really want you to come back to my side, come back to KL and we will be a 0 mile close couple. Throughout the bus ride, many tots came and went but they all revolved around my life with Bee. I really do love you sooo much.

I am sorry Bee, soon it will be alright.

Little Hubby aka Bee's Dee

hours after

My heart raced. I quickened my footstep. Punched the lift button hoping that the lift will arrive faster. I hurried my pace hoping that I will be able to at least catch a glimpse of him. I looked everywhere, from the bridge, the station and to the taxi stand. I can't find the familiar figure that I'm wishing to see.

My Dee has left.

I could feel something in my heart, the pain in my heart. As I walked away from the place, a feeling of regret gripped my heart. I was crying so much inside me. I slowly walked back into my place, entering my room filled with Dee's polo perfume. It made me miss him even more. The familiar scent that has enveloped my entire room throughout the weekend, as though boyfriend made a mark in my room. I felt happy deep inside actually, wishing so much that the scent will never go off. Wishing so much that it will stay as long as I stay in the room.

My room is back to the usual silent mode. With no more laughters (nor tears), except music emitting from my Bose speaker. I'd rather exchange my Bose speaker in return for boyfriend's presence, even if it's just a moment.

Given another chance

Actually the past few days I have been probing myself on reasons I didn't choose to be with boyfriend in the past. The last 1 month after going out with boyfriend, I felt so loved like never before. The kind of assurance and determination that he has for this relationship made me felt very treasured. Many times when I looked at boyfriend, I felt ashamed of myself for making a decision that is not him.

For the longest memories I have about boyfriend, he has been there for me all the time. I was reading his SMS that he used to sent, telling how much he loves and wants me to accept him. I thought back, I questioned myself again, why didn't I choose him in the past? So many questions left unanswered in my mind but I suppose what has happened in the past has happened, even if I have the answer it will not change anything now. All I have in my mind now is to be back in boyfriend's arm in soonest possible time.

Given another chance to take the ride back to the past, I will choose to be with boyfriend again. I know this may sound silly and people might think otherwise BUT I do not need to be accountable to anyone's opinion since everyone is entitled to one except boyfriend. For, I only need boyfriend to know that I sincerely love him very much and do not wish to lose him, not now, not even forever.

To Little Hubby: I'm sorry.

0 miles apart and so in love...

I am sneaking a short little posting into our blog when Bee isn't looking.

In a few hours, I will be back on a bus re-establishing the 202 miles distance apart BUT we had a funderful time across the weekend. Our relationship is blossoming into something much bigger and better than any of us could imagine and I am so much more in love with my Bee.

Its just so nice to have found that 'one person' you really love and you also feel the love being reciprocated. I really am so in love with you bee, and even with a distance between us - I KNOW that we will survive this and be together for the longest time.

*Muakz*

Already missing my bee..
Little hubby @ your place sneaking a posting *Hugz*

Can't wait...

I can't wait to be 0 miles from my Girlfriend, I really can't wait.

I really can't wait to...
be by her side,
hug her,
kiss her,
cuddle her,
snuggle up to her,
caress her,
touch her,
feel her,
hold her,
*ARGH*... so many things I want to do for her... I love you so much girlfriend.

I really can't wait for her
palm to be on my forehead,
hugs,
kisses,
smile,
wrinkled up nose when she smiles,
to kiss my forehead,
touch,
LOVE (most important of all).

I really can't wait,
Dee dee @ Office getting impatient...

Blueeee...

1 more day to go and I will be with Bee, today I woke up in deep blue mode - *Sigh*. I miss my bee so very much. It did not help when I couldn't hear my Bee's voice and couldn't read my Bee's love (SMS).

I am happy that in this time and age, we are so technologically advanced that with one click or one flip I can be talking and having a conversation with my Bee *Kiss handphone and laptop*. But dear readers, nothing beats the real thing - My living breathing girlfriend is so soft to touch, so sweet to smell, so soothing to hear (sometimes hehe), so so so.. just so lovely.

Its been 2 weeks since I saw my Bee and it is taking a toll on me, a serious deep need to see and feel and touch my beeeee.

I never thought i would be so deeply in love at this current phase of my life, but what do you know - I AM SO VERY IN LOVE + MORE + ALOT MORE. I just want things to work out fine and we can have our own fairy tale life with our own happy endings. I know there will be hurdles and barriers and problems and issues, but I know and can feel that our love, our commitment is bigger and stronger than anything that can be thrown at us.

We will make it hand in hand, heart on heart, lips to lips - you can bet your bottom dollar on this relationship.

Loving you more than you can ever imagine,
Dee dee @ Starbux thinking bout Bee...

Bee vs Dee : 2-0

Mission Accomplished!!!

The score is now 2-0. Me, Bee, has 2 points (smug) and Dee has 0 points (awww...)

Message from boyfriend:

"boyfriend loves it..
boyfriend now have so many questions to answer
boyfriend now being hounded by papparazi's...
boyfriend so in love right now..
boyfriend can't stop smiling
boyfriend is still red from being shy hahaha"

(Humming the tune in my mind, "We are the Champion")

Totally unexpected...

*Gosh* *melt melt melt melt*

I can't stop smiling, my name is being gossiped all across the office floor, my mind is racing, my heart is pumping, my smile comes from deep in my heart, my face red from the jeerings from my colleagues. It has spread across the 10th floor. It is moving towards the other floors - Gosh.. hahahah

Total happiness, this is bliss, so this is the feeling of receiving a care package. Even the receptionist was screaming over the fone 'DDD you got flowerrrrss, flowerrrsss, flowerssss' I hear her voice travelling around the corner faster than thru the phone. Hahahah

Girls came over and said 'Even I don't get flowers', the few people that actually know asks me whether issit from Singapore, which I just flashed a smile to them.

I am literally on cloud nine now, my dee dee may say she is not good at these things BUT hey I am not complaining... This is more than I would hope for.

Thank you so very much my dear. Thank you so very much.

On cloud nine,
Boyfriend...

OMG!! This suspense

OMG!! This suspense

This suspense is slowly killing me inside. My bagful of tricks, I’ve no idea if it will work or not. It’s my first time doing such a thing, boyfriend perhaps have done it many times (maybe a pro also). All I want is, him smiling from ear to ear when he sees it and the shy look on his face, which will be a bonus to me. But all in all, I really hope that boyfriend likes it. The surprise I have in store for him. I don’t know what else to do but wait to find out boyfriend’s reaction…

Hahahaha…

My bag of tricks

This morning an idea struck my mind. My half sleeping mind became all energized and wide-awake. I thought this would be a nice thing to do, something a little unusual, out of the norm.

Boyfriend’s schedule is quite busy but all he needs is to be in the office after lunchtime. He said he has a Google lunch meeting of some sort, don't remember. But I just need to make sure that he is going to be in the office.

Boyfriend is in the meeting now. Hope he will not have the time to even check this blog. Going to start executing my plan. Actually I’m also risking my plan being exposed by mentioning it here now. Cuz I know boyfriend is always checking this blog (even during meetings through GPRS!). Let’s just see if the score is going to be 2-0 today.

Not sure if it works, but will update here later to tell you guys whether it works or not.

Life is full of surprises. Don’t you think so Dee?

*squeal*

Mood: Excited, Full of tricks (like boyfriend)

I lost my cool...

First and foremost, lemme again declare my undying love to my girlfriend who I honestly, truthfully, faithfully adore and love. I love you bee, so very much and a Happy 1 month 1 day to you.

9th July 2007, 1 month anniversary for our relationship. My day started very blurrily due to lack of sleep, but i really looked forward to today. My relationships 1 month anniversary - HOW AWESOME IS THAT? hehehe thank you thank you. My meetings lasted the whole day at the clients place, and I was able to crack the proposal, *phew* finally.

My girlfriend got my 'anniversary package' in the morning and I got a very sweet message thanking me for my thoughtfullness. It is the least I can do my love, the least i can do. Well as I very clearly stated this is just the 'tip of the iceberg' and I am thinking long and hard to do more and more for my bee.

Well back to the main topic of this entry, I lost my cool. Today of all days, I lost my cool. I am so sorry bee, BUT I really don't like the issue. To be honest, after thinking about it a yesterday night and today and now, I don't think I am lacking of self confidence or anything. I just don't like my girlfriend having to deal with all these issues, when all past issues should be clear cut from now on. Anyways, I trust you have your own way to deal with this - I will leave you to handle it on your own my love. I am sorry again, but please bear with me. I am also human.

Today is TUESDAY, another 4 more days and my baby will be again in my arms! I MISS YOU SOOO SOOO SOOO SOOOO MUCH!

Can't wait to be in your arms,
Boyfriend.

1 month anniversary

I received a nice little parcel from boyfriend this morning. It was not very tastefully wrapped. When it came to me, it came in a yellow DHL wrapper but nonetheless, another shiny and glossy silver box revealed itself when unwrapped. A whiff of familiar scent of Polo perfume wafted through the air and through my senses. Apparently boyfriend has sprayed (almost) the entire bottle of perfume he is using, into the box. It just makes me miss my boyfriend even more now.

Then I took away the lid of the box and found a little nest of mess in the box. In it are heaps of shredded financial papers, mixed with 3 main little soft toy character. All these little characters are a representation of something. First, there is a little white cottony lamb. This little lamb is a representative of Dannie, so boyfriend has now name it Dannie the Lamb CHOP (boyfriend only thinks about food). Then there is also a little pink hippo in a purple tutu. When I first knew boyfriend, he once told me that he would wear a pink tutu to cheer me up if I’m sad. Although until now, I’ve yet to watch that happen and I always envision boyfriend in one, I suppose this is his way of compensating it.

To boyfriend: I still want to see you in the pink tutu…

Then lastly, a little brown teddy bear that carries 3 little brown roses with a ribbon tied to it. He says that he would like me to have the little teddy on my desk as a reminder of him all the time.

But of all these that he has given me, I think the one thing that I love most is the card he made for me. Rather than just an off-the-shelf card, he has cleverly put his creativity into good use and made a card for me. A card filled with lots of heart and his love (of course). I’ve always enjoyed looking at my boyfriend’s drawings and have always find it very amusing and witty.

The entire thought process behind the parcel I received today is very thoughtful and meaningful. Very appreciative of the whole thing that he did for me.

Thanks Dearie.

p/s: Love you most, Miss you heaps

Happy 1 Month Anniversary...

*Phew* what a rocky weekend leading up to this day. Conflicting emotions of anger, fear, jealousy to needing to balance it so that I do not agitate or irritate bee. I really don't know what is worst, the time in between calls & sms's(Not knowing what is happening) or during the calls (knowing what is happening), its like a rollercoaster ride out of control. Mixed feelings that I thought dissappeared long ago (with young age) all came back - Jealousy? Its been so long since I felt it, the sourness of the heart, the tightening of the chest, the shallow breathes, the pumping of the heart, the racing mind.

I have to say that I am so very happy that my bee kept me up-to-date on the latest happenings, which did help calm my fears down slightly (ever so slightly but it helped). I am so in love and feels that my bee is 'The One' to the point that the mere idea of bee leaving me brings tears to my eyes (such as now when i type this blog). I am just so in love.

well anyhow, back to the main topic of our 1 month anniversary. HAPPY 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY my love... This is the first of many many anniversary's to come. We are in this for the long long run.

You asked me for my idea of the future?
Well previously no idea, currently also no idea - The thing that I am sure about my future is that YOU (Bee) will be & is a part of it. I want to be your 'The one' too.

I am so sleepy now my love, I will see you soon and chat with u sooner *muakz*.
I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!.
I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!!

Your very own 'green eyed monster'
Dee dee...

now and forever?

I know that Dee has been feeling extremely uneasy over the weekend. Although he's been spending time with his family but I'm also aware that he has never stop thinking about me. From the amount of messages and phone calls I received, I knew it. To make matter worst, he didn't manage to sleep a lot yesterday night. Poor him...

Like what he has said, my ex was in town over the weekend for some personal things to attend. So he conveniently spend some extra time in town so that he can meet up with me and spend time with me. For this matter, Dee has been behaving like a “pouty pot”. Getting all green and jealous about the whole thing.

One of the things that I'm proud of is that he didn't get all overly upset about it. Instead he has been able to handle the situation in a cool manner. To ease his uneasiness, I've been calling him and SMS him to reassure his feelings. I've also canceled some of the appointments with my ex so that I can spend more time talking to Dee on the phone at home.

So before my ex left just now, he gave me a call from the airport. He cried. After many years of breaking up, he still has feelings for me and would very much like us to be together again. Even till today, he is still keeping a memento I gave him as a symbol of our relationship during the start of my, then, relationship with him. Feelings from the old memories stirred up my mind, then there is also the feeling of sympathetic that came along with it. I can feel that tears almost going to drop out from my eyes. BUT, I also clearly understand that all these are feelings of sympathetic. Nothing else.

Immediately after ending the call, I called Dee to talk to him about it. I know I have to talk to him about it. It's only fair that he knows what's going on because I love him and want to share all my thoughts and feelings. I'm already considering a future with him, so this is perhaps the best start. That is to share my feelings with him so that he can be part of my life.

After this weekend spent with my ex, although I feel sorry for him but i guess i have moved on with my life. On top of that, i have a better indication that Dee is perhaps the only person I want to be with now. The reason why i used the word perhaps is because I can't see the future ahead us that for sure I'm going to be with him. But at least for now, I know what I want.

To Dee: I love you, Dee. I want to have a future with you together. Now and forever, if that's possible. Will you give me a chance to do it with you while holding on to your hand?

Tossin'n'turnin...

I think I was tossin and turnin the whole night (only started tossin'n'turnin at around 4.30am) - It is the second night in a row that I am sleeping after morning. I really am feeling it.

Funny isn't it, a few years back - back in school, 24 hours on a project, consecutive 2 to 3 days and we still are full of energy with no sign of slowing down. Now? 2 days of rather short sleep and we feel like we just got run over by a train.... over and over again hahaha.

To be rather honest, I notice that it is somehow correlated to the amount of stuff you have in your head. With less to worry about, sleep is more efficient. Nowadays with everything being a big worry - sleep just isn't that effective/efficient. It likens itself to an old battery, the sad part is - We humans are built like the Ipod's, no replacement battery available (If it breaks, it is broken)... Thats life for you.

Speaking of worries, Baby princess will be catching up with her ex tonight. This really brings back memories, Baby princess was still with 'him' when we first met some many years back (Still debating with Baby as to exactly when and how we met.. haha). I remember back then, she was so smitten - it just brings back 'not so good' memories. It doesn't help knowing that 'he' still has intentions of trying to get her back. For goodness sake, can't these people just take 'no' for an answer and get on with life? Can't he take a hint by looking at her friendster? Can't they just leave my baby alone? Can't they? Can't they? *sigh*...

Anyways, my baby just called me. So happy to hear her voice early in the morning - so very very happy. I am so in love with you my Baby princess. So very very much in love. Please know that, and if you need anything else - Just let me know.

*muakz* *hugz*
Forever yours,
Dee deeeeeeeeeeeee...

Give me forever I do...

Another song dedication, which is more like a question.
I would like to ask you (Baby Princess) to give me forever to show all of the love I have here for you... some people might think I am joking or silly to even be dedicating this song because it might scare some people away due to the seriousness of the meaning of the song.

I just want you to know that I read thru the lyrics, and fully understand what it entails. I really think I need alot more time to fully show you my feelings for you and I am not joking when I say i am really thinking of a long and distant future for us.

Give me forever I do...
James Ingram

Looking out, I see
and I know just how much you're a part of me.
I see you and I, together in life
so there's nothing I wouldn't do,
to make you my wife.

(Chorus)
Won't you give me forever to show
all of the love I have here for you.
And if you give me my reason for living
to love you, I love you, I do.

With this ring, I'm bound.
And I'll promise that I'll never let you down.
To family and friends and the Lord above,
I will swear I'll be true to you,
to give you my love.

(Chorus)
Won't you give me forever to show
all of the love I have here for you.
And if you give me my reason for living
to love you, I love you, I do.

Oh baby, I love you, forever and ever I do.

Won't you give me forever to show
all of the love I have here for you.
And if you give me my reason for living
To love you, I love you, I do.

To love you, I love you, I do.

To love you, I love you, I do.

I truly, honestly, swear to god hope to die kinda truthfully really mean it Baby princess...
I will do to the best of my ability to make you one happy lady.

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*muakz*

Never knew love like this before...

I would like to dedicate this beautiful song to my sweetie pie - Baby Princess.
I heard it on the radio while driving to work this morning and immediately cheered up my day cause it made me THINK OF MY BABY!.

For the lack of MP3 right now, please listen to it on Youtube http://youtube.com/watch?v=xo9F7U5gRtY

Never Knew Love Like This Before
Stephanie Mills
I never knew love like this before
Now I'm lonely never more
Since you came into my life

You are my lovelight, this I know
And I'll never let you go
You my all, you're part of me

Once I was lost and now I'm found
Then you turned my world around
When I need you, I call your name

'Cause I never knew love like this before
Opened my eyes
'Cause I never knew love like this before
What a surprise

'Cause I never knew love like this before

This feeling's so deep inside of me
Such a tender fantasy
You're the one I'm living for

You are my sunlight and my rain
And time could never change
What we share forever more, ooh...hoo...

I never knew love like this before
Now I'm lonely never more
Since you came into my life

'Cause I never knew love like this before
Opened my eyes
'Cause I never knew love like this before
What a surprise

'Cause I never knew love like this before

You are my lovelight, this I know
And I'll never let you go
You my all, you're part of me

Once I was lost and now I'm found
Then you turned my world around
When I need you, I call your name

'Cause I never knew love like this before
Opened my eyes
'Cause I never knew love like this before
What a surprise

'Cause I never knew love like this before
Inside of me
I never (Never) knew love like this before
Opened my eyes

Never (Never), never (Never)
Never knew love like this (I never knew, I never knew I never)
Never (Never), never (Never)
Never knew love like this (I never knew, I never knew I never knew)

Never (Never), never (Never)
Never knew love like this (I never knew)
Never (Never knew), never (Never)
Never knew love like this (I never knew)

Never (Never knew), never (Never)
Never knew love like this (I never knew, I never knew I never knew)
Never (I never knew, I never knew), never (I never)
Never knew love like this (Never knew)

Never (Never knew), never (Never)
Never knew love like this (Opened my eyes)
Never (What a surprise)

Enjoy the song my dear, Love you more and more, day by day, month on month, year on year, LOVE YOU!

Dee dee @ office thinking of bee bee

Anatawa totemo daisuki desu...

Listening to 'The Sweetest Gift' by Sade.

I love you, Wo ai ni, Wa ai li, Ngo oi lei, Anatawa totemo daisuki desu, Aishiteru, Saya cinta mu, Sa lang hae, Jag älskar dig, Naan Unnai Khadalikkeren, Toi yeu em, Seni seviyorum, Naku penda, Khao raak thoe, Ya tebya liubliu, Je t'aime, Mi amas vim, I mog di...

Expressions of love in different language - but saying it all over and over again does not even touch the surface of my love for you my dear. I never thought I will be so in love, darn! hahahaha.

After much pondering, I have concluded (with help from our fellow reader Brendan) that I shouldn't look to the past - If i keep looking to the past I might miss the future (I shouldn't be driving the car looking at the rear view mirror) so from today onwards I will work towards doing the best of my ability and just enjoying every moment of our wonderful wonderful relationship.

Its coming up to a month now baby, if anything I am only so much more deeper into the relationship. This distance thing will take its toll on alot of things, but we have to stay strong and not stray from our course. - as I have said 'There could be worst barriers'.

It will be morning when you read this, *muakz* morning kiss on your forehead. I love you so much, words fail me. Sounding abit corny, but YOU COMPLETE ME!.

Fornow and Forever,
Dee dee @ home missing you...

The feeling...

Many have gone before me, and many will follow. I am neither the first nor the last person on earth to have this feeling but I finally found a way to verbalize it. Its coming up to a month now, and there seems to be some changes that is taking a toll on me. Nothing really serious but if it doesn't get patched up real quick it might fester into something horrendous. It has been a LONG TIME since i was in a relationship, easily 5 years. Before I get into the current mood/feeling lets take a step into the past.

The chase:
- some people will tell you that the chase is difficult, the acquisition is long and hard, the process tedious. But i would associate 'The Chase' with something like breaking down a wall. You utilize everything you know++ and with a full force 'break down the barrier' and claim your prize. You get to use all your capabilities, and facilities to infiltrate her heart and claim what you want. Its time consuming and sometimes frustrating, but you never at any single point in time have to hold your breathe and hold back.

Back to now: (You get the girl)
- Its like brain surgery, words like delicate yet firm, with force yet steady, its like juggling one of those floss candy's without denting it or melting it. *sweat sweat*. You be too distant (Not good) you be too close (You are afraid of 'cramping her style') you be too curious (you fear a big bad backlash) you be too accepting of everything (you do not care). Its like removing brain tumors (apologize for not using a better analogy) - just a right amount of pressure to remove it - too light you leave bits and pieces of the bad bad thing, too heavy and you sever a major artery and practically be in deep deep faeces.

The questions every morning when i wake up, every night before i go to sleep, every moment where my mind frees up to think of our relationship. Am I doing enough?, Have I done enough?, Did I cross the line?, Am i growing stale?, Now that today is enough - What am I going to do tmrw? - its an ever raising bar which I am afraid one day, I have set it too high for myself to achieve and i fall by the wayside - angry with not being able to do more, angry at not being able to deliver.

Dazed & Confused

Memories...#1 of infinity

My baby told me that the site is abit 'dry', need some images to jazz it up. I think from now on, we will snap pictures of our 'memories' without disclosing our identities - hehe hence the anonymous nature of our blog.

Both of us showcasing our artistic skills, and delivered via MMS. The amount of effort by my Baby Princess is enormous. I love you baby.

More memories to come.

Creative baby...

My jaw dropped and my tears started dripping when I saw my Baby's posts. Once I found out about the hidden message, my jaw broke off and I MELTED. I love you dear.

Your one blog post is more creative and more meaningful to me than anything on our blog. It will forever be etched in my heart.

Melted.
Dee dee

i miss you

I miss falling asleep on your shoulder
I miss our skin touching
I miss rubbing in hand cream to your hand
I miss entering a room with you in there
I miss visiting places with you by my side
I miss every inch of my skin being touch by you
I miss reading your deck on your laptop with you

I miss running my hand all over your body
I miss observing you from behind
I miss nagging at you
I miss sticking close to you

I miss giggling at your antics
I miss intriguing you
I miss rattling your cage
I miss lying on top of your back while you’re working

All these have happened because I have loved you

My flaws?

Had a long discussion about feelings with my Baby princess. Another chat that made our connection stronger - I think our communication channels are quite open right now which is a good thing. We should keep our feelings flowing just to manage expectations and understand each other more.

Baby do you know I really am pissing in my pants scared that you will leave me one day?, after the chat I identified that I am neither the type of look nor the type of smarts you look for in a guy... I really will work towards your ideal.

I really am so in love with you.

When we accept someone, its easy to accept their good points - the challenge/key is to accept a persons flaws too.

Can you accept my flaws? Can you see my plus points? Can I be in your future?

*tears*
Dee dee

To my beloved...

Being so far apart is difficult to bear- when I wake in the morning and sleep in the night, I desire to have you with me. Baby Princess the thing that keeps me strong is the knowledge that soon we will be together again.

Somehow words seem to not say enough – but I try anyways to let you know that I think of you just as much as I know that you think of me. I can hardly wait until we are together again – until I can hold you in my arms, brush my lips across yours, and sigh in relief because once again I am home. That dream makes me strong.

The course we take may not be easy but so long as it brings us together in the end, I will be okay. Until we meet again … hugs & kisses!

Now and forever yours,
Dee dee

PS. I am sorry for doubting your love sometimes, please give me some time and I will be your perfect guy. I am so in love with you that I am willing to do just about anything to make you mine. I need you to complete me. Heart you the most my love...

Insecurities...

Just finished chatting with my princess on the phone, and the talk about our day went on to a more serious note about her insecurities.

Please believe me my love when I say that I will be right by your side walking you through that bridge and make sure you will pass it with flying colors. I am looking for a partner, not a maid, not a cook, I need you as a companion to go thru thick and thin with me. I need someone who can give me support. I need you.

I have known you for the longest time, and I know your character more than you give me credit for. I know that you can be demanding at times, and you can also get abit difficult at other times too, but you have to believe me when I say 'I know and I still want to be with you for the long run'. I know in the future definitely we will argue over stuff, but I guess thats the thing when you get close to someone - you will definitely get into arguements, but we will ride through those and come out a stronger partnership. The same thing we are going to do with this distance, we are going to ride it out and become stronger.

As for whether both our parents will accept our union, we will sort it out when we get to that stage my love. Initial introductions everything went smoothly, subsequent meetings I will be there RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE. *muakz*

I am so in love with you my dear, so don't think too much and get all stressed out over something that has yet to happen. I love you my dear

Loving your flaws,
Dee Dee