hours after

My heart raced. I quickened my footstep. Punched the lift button hoping that the lift will arrive faster. I hurried my pace hoping that I will be able to at least catch a glimpse of him. I looked everywhere, from the bridge, the station and to the taxi stand. I can't find the familiar figure that I'm wishing to see.

My Dee has left.

I could feel something in my heart, the pain in my heart. As I walked away from the place, a feeling of regret gripped my heart. I was crying so much inside me. I slowly walked back into my place, entering my room filled with Dee's polo perfume. It made me miss him even more. The familiar scent that has enveloped my entire room throughout the weekend, as though boyfriend made a mark in my room. I felt happy deep inside actually, wishing so much that the scent will never go off. Wishing so much that it will stay as long as I stay in the room.

My room is back to the usual silent mode. With no more laughters (nor tears), except music emitting from my Bose speaker. I'd rather exchange my Bose speaker in return for boyfriend's presence, even if it's just a moment.

Given another chance

Actually the past few days I have been probing myself on reasons I didn't choose to be with boyfriend in the past. The last 1 month after going out with boyfriend, I felt so loved like never before. The kind of assurance and determination that he has for this relationship made me felt very treasured. Many times when I looked at boyfriend, I felt ashamed of myself for making a decision that is not him.

For the longest memories I have about boyfriend, he has been there for me all the time. I was reading his SMS that he used to sent, telling how much he loves and wants me to accept him. I thought back, I questioned myself again, why didn't I choose him in the past? So many questions left unanswered in my mind but I suppose what has happened in the past has happened, even if I have the answer it will not change anything now. All I have in my mind now is to be back in boyfriend's arm in soonest possible time.

Given another chance to take the ride back to the past, I will choose to be with boyfriend again. I know this may sound silly and people might think otherwise BUT I do not need to be accountable to anyone's opinion since everyone is entitled to one except boyfriend. For, I only need boyfriend to know that I sincerely love him very much and do not wish to lose him, not now, not even forever.

To Little Hubby: I'm sorry.