The feeling...

Many have gone before me, and many will follow. I am neither the first nor the last person on earth to have this feeling but I finally found a way to verbalize it. Its coming up to a month now, and there seems to be some changes that is taking a toll on me. Nothing really serious but if it doesn't get patched up real quick it might fester into something horrendous. It has been a LONG TIME since i was in a relationship, easily 5 years. Before I get into the current mood/feeling lets take a step into the past.

The chase:
- some people will tell you that the chase is difficult, the acquisition is long and hard, the process tedious. But i would associate 'The Chase' with something like breaking down a wall. You utilize everything you know++ and with a full force 'break down the barrier' and claim your prize. You get to use all your capabilities, and facilities to infiltrate her heart and claim what you want. Its time consuming and sometimes frustrating, but you never at any single point in time have to hold your breathe and hold back.

Back to now: (You get the girl)
- Its like brain surgery, words like delicate yet firm, with force yet steady, its like juggling one of those floss candy's without denting it or melting it. *sweat sweat*. You be too distant (Not good) you be too close (You are afraid of 'cramping her style') you be too curious (you fear a big bad backlash) you be too accepting of everything (you do not care). Its like removing brain tumors (apologize for not using a better analogy) - just a right amount of pressure to remove it - too light you leave bits and pieces of the bad bad thing, too heavy and you sever a major artery and practically be in deep deep faeces.

The questions every morning when i wake up, every night before i go to sleep, every moment where my mind frees up to think of our relationship. Am I doing enough?, Have I done enough?, Did I cross the line?, Am i growing stale?, Now that today is enough - What am I going to do tmrw? - its an ever raising bar which I am afraid one day, I have set it too high for myself to achieve and i fall by the wayside - angry with not being able to do more, angry at not being able to deliver.

Dazed & Confused