the beautiful promise

Open facebook today, other than being bombarded with a list of getting-to-know-me results my friends have been taking, I noticed the panel on the right filled were 3 newly minted couples posting various wedding pictures. I briefly went through their pictures, just too many pictures for me to go through it one by one. Welcome to my age where being single is the odd one out. I’ve just attended a wedding dinner last week and there is another one coming along this weekend. So I foresee another 2 wedding albums that will be appearing soon.

Happy to see them all in bliss but my view of getting married right now is mixed. Amidst of this misty happiness while shrouded with beautiful promises of till death do us part, I know there is more than meets the eyes when it comes to life after marriage. How life can be different where things you expect to change will not change while things you don’t expect to change will changed. The union of 2 people is not child’s play but also a union of 2 families together, union of differing backgrounds, values and understanding of life and this is probably where all problems will come in. This moment now I’m not willing to face it, perhaps not having the courage to go through it all by myself.

Then I saw another friend whose boyfriend went down on bended knee while holidaying. Heart melts. I think getting engaged while on holiday is a very nice thought. While you’re enjoying every moment that you’re spending with him and then suddenly the ring pops out, it’s like a cherry on top of the ice cream (although I dislike eating cherry). Anyway, I know this friend for a while, not very close but I know she has been in love to this guy for many years. The relationship is like a boat on a stormy sea, according to some sources but she treats him with all the patience she has. Finally the moment of fairy tale has arrived and in style. I guess right now nothing else can put that huge smile on her face seeing the spark coming off from her hand every now and then relishing the sweetness she experienced in Italy.

I know of another friend who is also planning to propose in the coming Europe tour. I wonder if the plan is still valid now.

it's taking off

Going through his earlier posts prompted me to pluck up my courage to pick up the phone to call him. Unfortunately for me the timing was not right; he was at a meeting when I called but good thing is that he did called me after his meeting. Now, everything seems to be back to normal although but none mention anything about what happened yesterday. As if it’s already understood that we’re both not in the mood argue again.

Good news, he messaged me earlier telling me that his partner just signed a deal. I’m very happy to hear this. Knowing that his career has taken off so well that his decision to start his own business is a correct one, for now. I hope everything will work well for him but on the other hand I hope all these success in his life won’t change him either.

Isn’t it always good to see the man / partner in your life doing well?

Hopefully I will have the same luck like BF in my career too. =)

The year so far...

This will be the ramblings of a confused and cluttered mind, I will try to make as much sense as possible in this posts. Many things are happening at the same time and I want to make sure I make the best of it.

The first half of the year 2007

Been a roller coaster ride for me, from a very dark, dim, dodgy start to the year. My life seemingly sucked into the 'dark side'. Financially I was driving myself into the red line, physically i was drinking and smoking, everything else was just a blur. If you ask me, do i regret? my answer will be a NO, I do not regret for the sheer reason that it is the past. I move forward and learn and hopefully become a 'better person' (evolution?)

Career wise, it was stagnating. Business wise was also non-existant. Things did not look good, and I was bordering on insanity trying to THINK MYSELF OUT of the rut i was in. Horrible time horrible, the alcohol, smoke, dark times seem to dull the senses enough for me to survive.

Family wise was alright, just because of the sheer fact that i was never home long enough for people to even notice my changes. All my activities are shrouded behind 'Work purposes'. I leave the house early in the morning, go home in the wee hours of the night. Many times not even showering to sleep as i was just too drunk or too tired or both.

Personally I was alone, too alone. Looking back - it was scary but still worth experiencing. I was down. but never have i experienced a double whammy of being down and continually being sucked into the 'dark side'

Second half of the year

I am glad to say things have taken a turn for the better, if i can plot it on a graph, it will look like a 'bull market' immediately after the depression of the century. Things started picking up after (I am not sure of the exact order) but there are a few key highlights of the year which I am thankful and glad that happened.

First things first, I am very much in love now. I think i found the person i want to spend my life with. (I am not saying this just because she co-owns this blog) but i really feel that WE can work something out. I think of her continuously and want the best for her. *muakz* darling lou por zai.

then I got a promotion and a much needed salary hike, putting me into the 6 figure yearly income bracket. This new fact kept me entertained for a good 5 minutes, after that I started to wonder HOW do i make more. hahahahahaah talk about contentment.

From there, the love of my life convinced me to quit my cigar smoking, else she will do something drastic. I also quite because the cigars made it horrendously dry for me. Anyway.. cigars are not off my hobby list.

Recently my 'vested interest' outside just got paid off, hopefully there is $$ behind the cheque i got. Wish me luck. my first 6 figure cheque and I guess I should be quite comfortable for the year. But again, the novelty of having 6 figures lasted about 10 minutes? Now i am wondering how do I make more and how much more is enough? I want my porsche and ferrari's in my LIFETIME.

Overall things are turning out to be good, need to keep the momentum and strive for bigger better things. It is in 'good times' that we should prepare for 'rainy days'. But how and what? I need to crack this nut soonest possible just to be safe.

Wish me luck, so far so good.

Love you darling lou por, please be my guide, support and chronicler of my life. I really need you to help me out in alot of the areas that will pop up.

Loving you lots,
Still a 25 year old boy trying to make the best of his life.

Many things happening at once...

Its been a while since I blogged, I am sorry honey.

The fact is, I have been swamped with work. Lately things are happening around me that caused me to think alot more about life and the meaning of it. From the absolute amount of work on my table, to the happenings in the world. There are so many things I want to blog about but have no idea where to start.

First item, is the 'search' for my baby's room. She works in Singapore and lately has been getting headaches trying to find a place to move to, a room to be exact. It must be easily accessible to a MRT and safe. The rental cost in Singapore just shot up, its crazy. But anyways I just found out that the place we shortlisted is not available anymore, so we will have to find another place. *sigh* my darling the poor baby. *muakz* - I promise OUR future to be good, safe and fun.

Then there is my work, i recently got promoted with a pay raise. I guess now i am 'happier' with work an approx. 60% pay raise does wonders hahahaah. I will ask for more in the next 6 months. In the past month, it has been crazy with back to back new business pitches, justification of my role, and some fires to fight. Well wish me luck here, I need to show value to the company now.

In terms of the things that make me think more about my life?, well I will try to articulate this more in a later posts because now there is an internal struggle to really get a handle on whats happenings.

Through all this, I am happy and glad that my darling is by my side. She is slowly accepting the facts of my job and the demands it makes of my time - she is very understanding and highly supportive but sometimes she doesn't really understand how my work gives value to anyone hahahahahaah. She thinks i get paid for bullshit. but nevertheless, this is the platform that is going to help me make big bucks my darling and we will live off the fruits of my labour *fingers crossed* hahahaahah

So in love with my baby,
Lou Kung Zai @ Work missing my darling

Undying love for my Bee...

I love you like the sun in the sky
Or maybe how a bird is destined to fly
Even more than a mother loves her child
Or all the animals running in the wild

Words can't sum up the way that I feel
But I'll definitely say
These feelings are real
And as Sent from above
Im here to give you my undying love

So in closing my dear
I pray I've made it rather clear
You mean everything to me
My sweet heart can't you see
I can't get enough of your endless touch
Oh my sweet baby, I love you so much!

Yours now & forever,
Dee Dee

My heart yearns for you...

Here i lie in bed tonight,
I type with just the laptop light. (Thanks to IBM)
It's you i'm missing and how close you are
when i roll over your not far.

But thats not the case at quarter to three,
when i turned over tonight it was only me.
It's disturbing to me to not know how you are,
i worry about you no matter how far.

You beside me i feel at ease and at rest,
this feeling unexplainable but it's the absolute best.
It hurts when your gone i feel pain when theres no you,
it's probably because of what we went through.

I cant wait to see you it's only been three days apart,
but if it was any longer than this the pain would be deep,
in this loving heart

Yours for now and forever
Bee's Dee..

0 miles apart and so in love...

I am sneaking a short little posting into our blog when Bee isn't looking.

In a few hours, I will be back on a bus re-establishing the 202 miles distance apart BUT we had a funderful time across the weekend. Our relationship is blossoming into something much bigger and better than any of us could imagine and I am so much more in love with my Bee.

Its just so nice to have found that 'one person' you really love and you also feel the love being reciprocated. I really am so in love with you bee, and even with a distance between us - I KNOW that we will survive this and be together for the longest time.

*Muakz*

Already missing my bee..
Little hubby @ your place sneaking a posting *Hugz*

Blueeee...

1 more day to go and I will be with Bee, today I woke up in deep blue mode - *Sigh*. I miss my bee so very much. It did not help when I couldn't hear my Bee's voice and couldn't read my Bee's love (SMS).

I am happy that in this time and age, we are so technologically advanced that with one click or one flip I can be talking and having a conversation with my Bee *Kiss handphone and laptop*. But dear readers, nothing beats the real thing - My living breathing girlfriend is so soft to touch, so sweet to smell, so soothing to hear (sometimes hehe), so so so.. just so lovely.

Its been 2 weeks since I saw my Bee and it is taking a toll on me, a serious deep need to see and feel and touch my beeeee.

I never thought i would be so deeply in love at this current phase of my life, but what do you know - I AM SO VERY IN LOVE + MORE + ALOT MORE. I just want things to work out fine and we can have our own fairy tale life with our own happy endings. I know there will be hurdles and barriers and problems and issues, but I know and can feel that our love, our commitment is bigger and stronger than anything that can be thrown at us.

We will make it hand in hand, heart on heart, lips to lips - you can bet your bottom dollar on this relationship.

Loving you more than you can ever imagine,
Dee dee @ Starbux thinking bout Bee...

Tossin'n'turnin...

I think I was tossin and turnin the whole night (only started tossin'n'turnin at around 4.30am) - It is the second night in a row that I am sleeping after morning. I really am feeling it.

Funny isn't it, a few years back - back in school, 24 hours on a project, consecutive 2 to 3 days and we still are full of energy with no sign of slowing down. Now? 2 days of rather short sleep and we feel like we just got run over by a train.... over and over again hahaha.

To be rather honest, I notice that it is somehow correlated to the amount of stuff you have in your head. With less to worry about, sleep is more efficient. Nowadays with everything being a big worry - sleep just isn't that effective/efficient. It likens itself to an old battery, the sad part is - We humans are built like the Ipod's, no replacement battery available (If it breaks, it is broken)... Thats life for you.

Speaking of worries, Baby princess will be catching up with her ex tonight. This really brings back memories, Baby princess was still with 'him' when we first met some many years back (Still debating with Baby as to exactly when and how we met.. haha). I remember back then, she was so smitten - it just brings back 'not so good' memories. It doesn't help knowing that 'he' still has intentions of trying to get her back. For goodness sake, can't these people just take 'no' for an answer and get on with life? Can't he take a hint by looking at her friendster? Can't they just leave my baby alone? Can't they? Can't they? *sigh*...

Anyways, my baby just called me. So happy to hear her voice early in the morning - so very very happy. I am so in love with you my Baby princess. So very very much in love. Please know that, and if you need anything else - Just let me know.

*muakz* *hugz*
Forever yours,
Dee deeeeeeeeeeeee...

Anatawa totemo daisuki desu...

Listening to 'The Sweetest Gift' by Sade.

I love you, Wo ai ni, Wa ai li, Ngo oi lei, Anatawa totemo daisuki desu, Aishiteru, Saya cinta mu, Sa lang hae, Jag älskar dig, Naan Unnai Khadalikkeren, Toi yeu em, Seni seviyorum, Naku penda, Khao raak thoe, Ya tebya liubliu, Je t'aime, Mi amas vim, I mog di...

Expressions of love in different language - but saying it all over and over again does not even touch the surface of my love for you my dear. I never thought I will be so in love, darn! hahahaha.

After much pondering, I have concluded (with help from our fellow reader Brendan) that I shouldn't look to the past - If i keep looking to the past I might miss the future (I shouldn't be driving the car looking at the rear view mirror) so from today onwards I will work towards doing the best of my ability and just enjoying every moment of our wonderful wonderful relationship.

Its coming up to a month now baby, if anything I am only so much more deeper into the relationship. This distance thing will take its toll on alot of things, but we have to stay strong and not stray from our course. - as I have said 'There could be worst barriers'.

It will be morning when you read this, *muakz* morning kiss on your forehead. I love you so much, words fail me. Sounding abit corny, but YOU COMPLETE ME!.

Fornow and Forever,
Dee dee @ home missing you...

To my beloved...

Being so far apart is difficult to bear- when I wake in the morning and sleep in the night, I desire to have you with me. Baby Princess the thing that keeps me strong is the knowledge that soon we will be together again.

Somehow words seem to not say enough – but I try anyways to let you know that I think of you just as much as I know that you think of me. I can hardly wait until we are together again – until I can hold you in my arms, brush my lips across yours, and sigh in relief because once again I am home. That dream makes me strong.

The course we take may not be easy but so long as it brings us together in the end, I will be okay. Until we meet again … hugs & kisses!

Now and forever yours,
Dee dee

PS. I am sorry for doubting your love sometimes, please give me some time and I will be your perfect guy. I am so in love with you that I am willing to do just about anything to make you mine. I need you to complete me. Heart you the most my love...

Insecurities...

Just finished chatting with my princess on the phone, and the talk about our day went on to a more serious note about her insecurities.

Please believe me my love when I say that I will be right by your side walking you through that bridge and make sure you will pass it with flying colors. I am looking for a partner, not a maid, not a cook, I need you as a companion to go thru thick and thin with me. I need someone who can give me support. I need you.

I have known you for the longest time, and I know your character more than you give me credit for. I know that you can be demanding at times, and you can also get abit difficult at other times too, but you have to believe me when I say 'I know and I still want to be with you for the long run'. I know in the future definitely we will argue over stuff, but I guess thats the thing when you get close to someone - you will definitely get into arguements, but we will ride through those and come out a stronger partnership. The same thing we are going to do with this distance, we are going to ride it out and become stronger.

As for whether both our parents will accept our union, we will sort it out when we get to that stage my love. Initial introductions everything went smoothly, subsequent meetings I will be there RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE. *muakz*

I am so in love with you my dear, so don't think too much and get all stressed out over something that has yet to happen. I love you my dear

Loving your flaws,
Dee Dee

You and me...

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.’ I cannot even begin to imagine my life without you. I fear that without you, I would not be complete. Half of my heart would be absent; half of my soul would be vanished. I know that I am neither perfect, nor are you. But I do know that we are perfect for each other. But Baby Princess we come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly’. And this is how I see you, and how I hope that you see me.

Please allow me the opportunity and chance to make memories with you, and to make all your wishes come true.

Not the first, but the last.
Finally yours,
Dee Dee

Life is too short to live it without you...
I love and miss you.
Kisses until we meet again.

Hugs & Kisses, YOUR DEE DEE

*Yawn* *Rub eyes* - *MUAKZ*

Hey princess, I just wanted to do something simple to say I love you and to put that smile I love so much back on your face. I want everyone to know how much you mean to me. Ever since you have entered my life, I've been flying on Cloud 9.

I tell you this everyday, but you are the most beautiful person I know, inside and out and I see that more clearly with each passing day. I love everything about you, about us. You do something to me that no other has, you have made me so happy, the happiest I've ever been. You give me the most amazing feelings inside, the feeling of being in love with you.I still don't know what I did to be so lucky to have you in my life, my dream come true...

I am so thankful though. In this short time that we've been together, we have grown so much and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. I love you, Baby Princess, with all my heart and soul, always and forever

I am always here, and in your heart. Think of me and my warmth as the blanket for you to sleep tight in the night. Look to the sky at night, and when you see a sparkle of a star ... that's me, princess, thinking of how much I love you and miss you. Look to the moon, thousands of miles away from you ... know that I will be looking at the moon too - thinking of you.

So it is with this feeling that i declare my love, from me to you. I love you, my princess, with all my heart and I will never stop loving you. You are my life, you are my everything. Though distance may keep us apart, you will always be embedded deep within my heart.

Truly yours,
Dee aka Cupcake... *MUAKz*

lucky baby princess

Dee was being very sweet to come visit me in my hometown over the weekend. That visit from him meant so much to me as it signifies how much he values this relationship with me. It also helps to ease the feeling of missing him that I had for him. I have never thought I will fall this hard for him, never.

Going out with him has been relatively easy for me to a certain extend. He tries very hard to make sure that I don't get stressed in the relationship. I'm aware the amount of work he is putting into this relationship and i truly appreciate it. He may not be the best looking guy i know but he is definitely a guy with the best hug. When being hugged by him, he gives me a sense of security that I can never get from elsewhere.

Now as day passes by I seems to have fallen deeper and deeper for him but on the other hand my fear is becoming more prominent to me. I now hate the thought that I may one day lose him. I suppose the more you care and feel for a person the more you hate losing him/her. Time and again Dee has been assuring me that he will never leave me, a part of me really want to believe his word but on the other hand I'm also telling myself not to be naive, because of what I have been through, I find it very hard to believe it as it is. I'm going through an emotional tug of war inside me. I know it's very unfair to him and I'm very sorry to say this to him given the amount of effort he is putting in into this relationship.

All I'm hoping now is that this relationship will really work and that we will be the one meant for each other. By then I think I can say that I'm a very lucky baby princess.

Love u heaps and heaps... *muaks*

Missing Dearie...

Dearie seems busy the whole of today. Didn’t have the chance to talk to him online except he remembered to give me a call somewhere during his lunchtime I think, how sweet. He is probably having a hard time dealing with his demanding clients, I think but I know no matter how occupied dearie is, I am always and will always be in his thoughts.

Wonder if he reads all my SMS I sent to him, just want to cheer up his day. Hopefully it helps in making him feeling better while at work if he is having a difficult time at work. Even if it isn’t, just want to let him know that he’s always in my mind all the time.

Trying to book my tix to visit Dearie end of this month but seems to be having a bit of problems. Missing him so much, hope to see him real soon. Funny, I never have feelings as strong as this before, I remember before we were together; I used to miss him as well, especially during periods when I am really down and out but even then my feelings at that time is not as strong as now. I wonder why…

First post... by baby princess

If it wasn’t because of dearie’s idea to come up with this concept, I don’t think I will ever think of such an idea to create another blog to maintain. Already I’m having difficulties to maintain my personal blog (and he hardly maintain his own) but since this is dearie’s idea, I think this is the least I can do to show support to him by posting my first post here.

Our relationship has been a long-winded courtship for a start and now we’re starting off our relationship as a long distance one. It is not until recently when a friend of his made me realized that dearie has been there for me for 5 years. Dearie has displayed great perseverance in this whole relationship; he has been there for me through my times of ups and downs. Always my 999 whenever I have any issues in my life. I should say he has put in a much greater effort and hard work to make this entire relationship happen because he knows this is what he wants. His unrelenting spirit to pursue this relationship is one of the things that touch my heart.

I remember when we first knew each other initially he was sitting by a glass window. Looking as though he is up for sale in a display window… hehe… I remember how I used to see him from a level below his floor, how we used to exchange stealing glances with each other. Not long after that I received an email from him initiating the whole friendship. It’s been a long time since that has happened, now it’s only a faint memory that’s left behind. Who would have thought those harmless flirts will provoke this 5 years long marathon courtship?

Hopefully in days to come dearie and I will share more wonderful memories to post in this blog so that in future when we look back one day we will have something to reminiscence together *sweet*

Listening: Reunited - Peaches & Herb