no dinner, no flower

It’s our 2nd year anniversary today. The day we officially go out on our big green light. How time flies. From the time I agreed to be his GF over the phone, till now, so much has happened. All the different taste in life, I’ve tasted it all within these 2 years. Although I should expect more to come but I really hope to just taste the sweetness in this relationship. It’s like when eating in a buffet; I will happily skip through the main and dive straight to dessert corner.

The feeling now is sad because there is nothing to expect on today. Since each of us will be busy and we’re still far apart. Actually every now and then I still ask myself when this far apart thing is going to end. Sigh, hate this feeling. Well I hate long distance relationship, in short.

Tonight, there will be no dinner nor flower but BF mentioned that he will plan a trip together to Bali next month. Hopefully the trip will work out well. *finger cross*

bills, bills, bills

Although this blog is essentially used to blog about my relationship with BF but today I feel blogging about something else. This is something about someone I am currently living under one roof with. Don’t get me wrong, this person is not someone related to me in anyway other than we used to be classmates when we were young, now turned housemate.

As I don’t have any other source to vent my anger anonymously, I figured this is the best way for me to spit it all out without hurting anyone in the process. So the story goes this way, I have 3 person staying in my house now. Lately one of my housemates has moves out. He used to be the person in charge of paying off the bills and such. While myself, I’ve always been the one making sure the rent is paid on time to the owner. I made sure that my part is done on time each time. Now this housemate has moved out, quite expectedly his load becomes a shared load between me and the other guy.

So here is the problem, 3 bills have arrived and to these days he has yet to pay anything. I’ve asked him a few times to the extent that I feel embarrassed asking him. I don’t want to appear like a little boss around the house but neither do I want to live in fear knowing that I will be living in the dark when I come home one day. He still has the cheek to call me a “PARANOID android”, that’s the angriest part but hello, do you think I really want to bug you over nitty-gritty stuff like this? You think I’ve nothing better to do?

Now I’m not sure whether I should write him an email to tell him off nicely or I should just leave the bill on the table, any idea?

On the bright side, things have been smooth sailing for me and BF for the last couple of days. No quarrels, no shouting, no slamming down the phone. I hope this situation will persist. BF is likely to be sleeping now as he has been rather exhausted the past few weeks due to waking up early for meetings. Hope he will feel refreshed tomorrow. *wink*

spending time together

Any relationship there will be ups and downs. I don’t want my memories of my relationship with BF to consist of only downs, like the previous few posts. Today it shall be something different. Like other couples, we manage to have some normal couple time together. Funny, I know how some couples may frown at the thought that their relationship is just about watching movie, window-shopping and eating. But for us, this is not something that comes by easily.

We started our morning with a discussion of our issues that’s been boggling us; we tried very hard to iron out the creases between us. We both love each other very much but on the other hand, our character makes us struggle to be the alpha male in the relationship. Both unwilling to submit to each other but dominate even though we know we love each other very much. This has of course cause tension between us every now and then, causing our relationship constantly wobble between breaking up and not.

We tried to come to an agreement that he will take care of himself more by going exercise with me, SMS me regardless of time telling me that he reaches home and never raise his voice or say words that I don’t like listening to. Likewise, I will interfere less into his drinking and late night activities that his work will be his priorities for now and I will try to learn to live with that.

After the talk, we manage to catch 2 movies together. We watched the much anticipated Angels and Demons and Monster vs. Alien 3D. I feel when watching movies, our relationship with each other becomes closer every time. I get to hold on to his hand tightly and he will sometimes shower me with kisses while watching movie. It’s really a very sweet time; sometimes I wish the time would stand still at that point.

Even though with a little silent protest from BF, we manage to have soup as dinner. BF is the type that has to have meat and carbo for dinner, so having soup for dinner is not what he will call it as dinner but I guess this is his way of showing that he is going eat the healthy way. Of course I’m happy about it because I want to spend many more years with him in the coming future.

We ended our day with a game of Monopoly we bought earlier. It’s a very good way to spend some quality time together, other than watching movie. Even though I lost in the game but at I’m happy that I’m able to spend some quality time with him.

sleeping on it, yet again

Internet has always been a bad form for communication of feelings. Unlike talking face to face, we are able to see each other’s expression and feel each other’s feeling instantly and not guessing it on another end. So I thought the discussion tonight will end well with me lying snugly by his side and cooing me to sleep.

Less than 5 minutes into the talk, we’re already lying on the bed with our back facing each other. My plan was to be a bit more rational by listing down our issues and talking about it one by one but before I can do that, his answer to me is I should just leave him alone. It just seems so hard to communicate my feelings to him, he is unwilling to step back and when I sense that I got defensive altogether.

Is this going to be another one of those nights where I will be sleeping on my problem again, except maybe the problem will be sleeping by my side? Will we ever have a conclusion to our endless arguments?

in search for conclusion

For missing our weekend together last week, BF has scheduled to spend his weekend with me. Tonight he will be flying in, so we will be spending time together. I’ll be lying to you guys, if I say that I’m not happy at all. In fact at this moment of writing this post, I can feel my heart leaping with joy.

It’s after lunch now, BF message me on MSN suggesting to have a heart to heart talk. This is our first step toward confronting issues together after rows of staying up late, tearing, shouting and slamming on the phone. Right now, he told me that he is feeling confused and disturbed about our relationship but nevertheless still loves me. To be honest, I have the same feeling too. Many times in the midst of our heated arguments I did bring up the topic of breaking up, one part of me really feel like giving it all up but another part of me still wants this relationship to work. I already have my fair share of failed relationship and don’t want another to add on to my list of unsuccessful relationships.

So I suggested we can start talking about it tonight and have Saturday and Sunday to sort iron it out. Not sure how it will end but I do hope there will be a conclusion to this discussion. Hopefully I can share it here after we have an outcome. *finger cross*